Short Post

Yesterday, my son flipped off a bunch of second graders at school!!!! He said they were trying to beat him up!

OMW - I am a teacher, dude! Anyhow, his first flipping off was to Auntie Gina and hopefully this was his last! His teacher said she didn't think he did it because she didn't see it. I stood there thinking, "Oh, yes, he did it." This kid of mine... I have to be honest, I was very upset that he used his "bad finger" again, but I did have a tinge of happiness that he is not a victim. I want him to grow up to be a godly guy so using the bad finger is not a good way to protect yourself!!!!

Anyhow, things are going okay. I still carry "The Great Sadness" around with me, but I am doing my best to completely hide it from the kids. I don't want them to carry the burden of feeling like they have to take care of me. After all, that's how I got to be who I am by taking care of my parents. Sophia had started saying things like, "It's okay mom, you have me," and Zack was asking why I was so sad. At first, I had a tough time hiding my sadness and regret, but I'm getting stronger and stronger. Since I am a mom, I am trying to be more outward forcused, but it's a big job.

Abba's Child is an awesome book as is another I'm reading called Healing Stones. I am finding that God loves me a lot more than I thought he did. And, I'm starting to feel less and less guilt for taking one action that caused pain to another. I make no excuses for it, but it was done in extreme pain so defining myself by it would be wrong. Forgiveness may be out of reach from another, but I can bestow it upon myself as God asks me to do. And, I can pray that the pain subside for the other as quickly as humanly possible.

With that, I'm off to a friend's house to relax and "fellowship". Life is definitely different now. If I had it my way, I'd turn back the hands of time and create another ending, but I fear this is the ending God had in mind. So, I keep praying as the discontented child wondering how something that seemed so right could go so horribly wrong. And, I'm seeking to grow from the experience which is an uphill battle.

Pics soon. Camera not readily available.