I cannot believe how quickly the days pass! The kids are already ENJOYING their second week of school! I drop Zack off at 8AM and then Sophia and I spend some time together which is ultra special to both of us. We either read books or do some type of outdoor exercise like practicing soccer or walking around the lake. She is so sweet though because if we ever buy anything, she says, "We need to get some for my brother"! I am so proud of her sweet gracious spirit.
She has been somewhat of a little pill lately with the teenage girl attitude popping up here and there. Typically when I call her name, she'll turn back and say, "Yes, mom"? Lately, when I call her name, she keeps walking, and when I call again, she turns and says with all the teenage attitude she can muster, "WHAT"?
You see this mom has let herself be affected by the feedback of another mom of grown kids who had a different idea of child rearing as in never say no and blame every negative behavior on their personality. I mean how mean can you be to "discipline" a child? Actually, I like the word train better. Anyhow, Sophia has shown the signs of this mom suddenly trying in small ways to be "poplular" or to be the "friend" instead of mom.
Yesterday, she said her infamous, "WHAT" in front of a friend who knows her well, and I actually garnered a reprimand for allowing something, I (the true to myself me) would never allow for Sophia's sake. I mean do I really want Sophia to learn that the attitude is acceptable??? I spent some time in prayer last night and basically told God how insecure I have been feeling about this parenting thing based on the opinions of another. Sometimes, it's good to just tell God our struggles and then ask Him for strength to get back on track.
So, little Sophia and I had fun today playing what I call the "Yes, Mom" game. I put markers in different spots and say rapidly - run to the red cone - she responds quickly, "Yes, Mom". It gets crazy, and we crack up as she giggles and we both get confused. By the time she was finished, she had no idea that she was getting retrained! Today, I will reward her for each "yes mom" with words of encouragement and hugs and kisses. She'll get back on track in no time.
I was told by the same person that has made me question my parenting that I was great at the alpha mom thing. I took that as such an insult that I changed a lot of what I was doing as a mom. How insecure is that???? Anyhow, now that I think about it, shouldn't all moms of young children be alpha moms? As in your kids know you are the authority? Shouldn't they come right away when you call them? Should they be allowed to argue, pout, complain????
Feedback welcomed! This mom needs to do an about face for the sake of my kiddos. I am the first authority they'll deal with, but their lives are going to be FULL of people telling them what to do and how to do it. They need to know how to respond properly whether or not they decide to do what is asked or not. They need to learn how to use their voices properly and with respect.
Any other Alpha moms out there?
3 comments:
I don't think alpha moms are a bad thing. My SIL leads a parenting style like your friend. As her children, especially her son, have gotten older and worse in their behaviors people no longer see them as cute. No one wants to go to functions that they attend. She does the whole blame it on their age and personality thing. It is very obvious at ages 11 and 8 that all there are learning is there is no need to respect authority and that there are no consequences to our actions. My other SIL is an alpha mom and has three year old twins that are a delight to be around who you just can't get enough of. Because she has worked on this from a young age she is giving them the foundation for becoming responsible adults and she is still one of their best friends, and they love her very much and she isn't even trying to be their best friend.
Kristen
If you were still in Texas it would be "yes ma'am." :)
Anyway, I think it is critical that we are parents and role models for our children... not their buddies. They will have plenty of friends throughout their life, but not moms. Speaking from personal experience, it seems like those parents who were just "friends" raised children that did not respect them or authority. There will be individuals of authority that they will encounter during their life... it is a given. Why not let that first experience be one stemming from love and tenderness?
I want my children to know that they have a safe place to fall when they make mistakes. Once they reach teenage years, if you do not have that respect, and the kids are not willing to respect you, how on earth will you have any influence on them when it comes to life altering lessons such as drinking, sex, promiscuity? I am not foolish to think that respect of authority is enough to always dissuade that type of behavior or poor judgement, but they will see their home as a safe place instead of a hang-out... which I think is a big difference.
I don't need to look any further than the Bible to seek guidance on parenting. And no, I do not run our home like a dictatorship. It is all about give and take. However, our kids are secure in the fact that I am their mom... no budding friendship there... but tons of love.
Just my (roundabout) two cents worth, I guess you could say I am an "alpha mom."
(ps... sorry... it has been a tough day around here and my brain cells are kaput.)
Your friend would hate me. I am a mean mama. ;)
Have a great weekend!
Krista
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