Two Years Ago Today

The Road to You...

To My Precious Children,

I love you with all of my heart and soul! I will never ever forget the most wonderful Christmas of my life. It was not so long ago when I and your auntie climbed on a plane and flew across the world to meet the two most wonderful kids in the world. Of course, I didn't know you would be so wonderful.

I wondered what you looked like...how big your feet were...how you sounded when you laughed...who hugged you when you cried... I wondered what you were afraid of and what brought you peace. I wondered how I could love you enough to make life happy for you once again. I wondered if I'd see a sparkle in your eye and a bounce in your step. I wondered if the pain you had experienced in your young lives had pierced you too deeply for love to mend. I wondered if my love would be enough for you, and I wondered if Jesus would change your lives.

As we approached the baby home, I saw a big black rod iron gate behind which was a snow covered playground. Into the back door we walked and up some rickety narrow stairs where we were told to take our shoes off. After this, we entered a big pink room filled with a piano some toys and a Christmas tree.

As I sat on the chair waiting for my daughter to appear, my palms were sweaty, and my heart was beating rapidly. Then life changed forever, Sophia walked through that door, and I saw the most precious little lost face. You weren't sure how to respond. You were so quiet and unsure. You stared and wondered who these women were - you were surrounded by me, Auntie Gina, and the two Olgas who helped me adopt you. I so enjoyed playing with you bopping balloons around and blowing bubbles, but really you and I were both rather subdued. I saw so much worry in your eyes.


After this visit, we drove on an unpaved road for about 10 minutes and then arrived at The Pelican, Zack's orphanage. We walked through those doors and were ushered into a very mall office where we were asked to wait. The lady helping us looked just like your grandma! Then tired little Zack was brought into the room. You looked straight at the floor but when you'd peek up at us, I could see your gorgeous blue eyes and the most tender smile. I didn't expect to see such a smile on your little face. I thought you would be sad and angry at how your first 5 years of life had been, but you weren't angry. You had such an air about you and even a sense of humor.

You kept asking one of your caretakers what my name was and she would tell you mama. You would smile from ear to ear when you heard that. In the next couple of visits, you showed us the sword you got for "Christmas," and you were pretending to scare Auntie Gina with it. You rambled on in Russian and we giggled. At one point, I lost my footing and fell down! You cracked up!


The toughest day I've lived through was the day I had to leave you two in Russia and come back home empty handed. My heart was yours already and now I had to wait over 3 months to see you again. On March 26th (grandma's birthday), I went back to Russia to go to court to stand before a judge and ask her to let me legally be your forever mama.

Here is where I tell you that I love you with all of my heart and soul. You have been such blessings to me and to SO MANY people whose lives you have touched. You are such sweet spirited kids with such giving hearts. When I watch you sleep at night, I pray for you. I hold your feet and rub them as I wonder where you'll go in life. I scratch your backs hoping you'll treasure that physical touch from your mom for years to come.

Truth is that no matter how much love, time, and energy I give to you, you give back 100 times the joy. I see God's love in your little eyes. I experience His miracle each time you laugh. My faith has grown so much stronger as I've watched you morph into these physically, emotionally, and spiritually healthy little people. You have taught me that God does great things, and He always gives us just what we need in order for Him to accomplish His will through our lives.

You weren't born in Vyska by mistake. The pain of your first few years wasn't a mistake. You were loved since you took your very first breath - first by God who knew you in the womb, and then by the mom who gave you life. While she couldn't be with you for the entire journey, she made a selfless decision to carry you for all nine months and to give you the gift of a life. And, I am sure beyond sure that she wonders about you every single day.

Please don't ever allow yourselves to become victims of circumstance. You see bad circumstances often are what mold great people if you let them. You are two very precious examples of just that. I'm not sure where life will take us between now and when you two are grown up, but I can tell you one thing - your hearts will be my compass.

I love you. I love you. I love you.