Learning Difficulties or Acclamation to a New Life?

Krista,

I was going to send you an email privately to answer your question or more so to address your concerns based on my limited experience, but I figured that there may be some other adoptive parents out there who would like to read and compare what they have experienced with their own adopted children.

Anyhow, the question (for those other few readers) was whether or not I felt Sophia had a learning disability early on because she could not retain much academic information. The short answer to that question is YES!

I would show Sophia 52 things that were red and try in many many ways to get her to remember, but no matter how hard I tried or how hard I made it - she would know it and then it would disappear within minutes. The only color she could point out with any consistency was PINK! Then later, she could point out yellow. The reason she knew these colors was because everything she owned was pink, and we would play a game daily as we drove calling out yellow cars. There was a TON of repitition with no concern or talk of learning or teaching!

However, that being said, I still worried that she had some learning problem because it seemed like at 4 years old, she should have been able to retain more information. To be fair, she did retain a tremendous amout of data, but it was not academic in nature. She could count to 6 and didn't care to count higher. She couldn't successfully count objects up to 4 or 5.

Gina would continually tell me how smart she was though BECAUSE what she did retain is where we were going in the car - by the second or third turn she not only knew where we were going, but she also pointed out several landmarks along the way and told us anything she knew about those landmarks from past conversations.

She could remember vividly her departure from the baby home. She remembered details about the train ride to Moscow; what she ate; where she slept; what she played; and that she was scared. She could also read emotions very well. She knew and still knows when people are sad, happy, lonely, or tired to name a few feelings. If she asked where we were going, I'd say, "to the moon," and she'd respond, "the car does not fly". So she had no problem using facts to come up with solutions.

With all of that being said, just 6 weeks ago, I did not think she was ready for kindergarten. Her preschool teacher told me that she needed another year of preschool. She still had not mastered her colors or numbers and her small motor skills were very weak. Her social skills, however, were very strong. She was very outgoing and made friends very easily. I agreed with the preschool teacher because I had experienced the same thing at home. Colors left her mind as quickly as I showed her what they were, and she had NO time to learn anything bookish.

I decided to put her into kindergarten because she BEGGED me to let her go. She LOVED preschool and the thought of staying home while Zack went to school literally made her cry. I figured that it was the social butterfly in her that wanted to go. I told her if you go, you are going to have to learn colors and numbers. She quickly responded, "I AM NOT GOING TO SCHOOL FOR THAT" in a very cute adamant tone.

To be completely candid, I put her in school because I figured she could easily be held back in kindergarten next year if need be AND because paying daycare for kindergarteners is EXPENSIVE because of the half day classes here in CA. Now seemed like a good time for her to start since my working situation allows me to be available to pick her up. So, you see, my decision was partially selfish!

To my complete SURPRISE, she is doing very WELL! She is not functioning above average at this point, but she is thriving. Her motor skills have improved tremendously! She knows ALL of her colors and can count to 15! She can even count objects now! She knows how to write her name and colors within the lines. She enjoys being read to and looks at books voraciously. Her teacher says she is a total spongue, and if there was a most improved student, she'd be it. School started September 2nd, and I never would have guessed she could learn so much in such a short time.

My only caveat is that I work with her a great deal at home as well, but it is NOT tough. She loves homework and any kind of extra work book I can get her. She is just a little driven thing and likes to learn new things. It is like night and day.

So, my answer to Krista, from my experience, I think Sophia missed out on so much during her baby/toddler years that she NEEDED time to be enjoy some of the things she missed. That meant not having to waste time learning facts when she needed to learn about the new world around her and how a real family works. She was learning and retaining a ton of information, it just wasn't the information that at the time was meaningless to her. I mean who cares if her shoes are black, she just cared that they were hers and that they had a flower on the toe!

I have read that children that have been insitutionalized or come from home where little nurture and guidance was given are behind by at least a year developmentally. I have found that to be true with Sophia. She needed more toddler time.

With Zack, he came home behaving very maturely. He learned rapidly, but since he was a bit older, he wanted to know more. He wanted to be on the same level as his playmates, and he needed to know his colors and numbers to survive.

I don't think I'd worry about Tate at this point. My advice would be to subtract a year from his age and adjust your expectations accordingly and know that when he needs to know the information, he will want to learn it. When he wants and needs to learn it and can't, that'll be the sign that he may have a learning issue.

I commend you for doing the character training you are doing!!! Many parents focus only on their kids complete happiness and miss that piece. The character is the foundation upon which all of the academic successes will be built. Without the character, much of the knowledge they pick up on their way to adulthood may never be accompanied by the wisdom and hard work necessary to know how to use it. This is where I have gotten bogged down lately - trying to find a balance between wanting a smile on my kids' faces and wanting them to be ready for a world that doesn't much care if they're smiling or not. Perhaps you have some advice for me in raising happy well balanced kids who know how to work hard and feel great about it!!!! I would imagine that there's nothing worse than to grow old and see your adult kids struggling at doing life.

That's all from the peanut gallery today. Hope it helps!