Back to the Same Old

I'm back in Texas. The kids didn't miss a beat without me! That was great to see. All are very happy with many stories to share about their week at school, outings with Uncle Jerry and Aunt Julie, basketball games, and Christmas cheers.

I'm back but oh so blue wondering how long it will be before I feel I belong somewhere. This place in life will likely go down as a valley. I could be wrong of course, but this is likely not a mountain top year for me. How horrible is that to say when I brought Zack and Sophia home this year? That was the true highlight! Having them come home and seeing it change not only their lives, but also our entire family's lives in a positive way. I wouldn't change that for the world.

There will be a New Year's resolution for me this year which will be to get back to taking life by the horns and making it work for me.

Sitting here longing and hoping for something better is no way to live. I found myself in the airports yesterday looking around thinking either all of these people around me fake life much better than I do OR everyone around me is happy, and I need some pills!!!! This while pushing back tears so as to avoid stares! Who knows maybe someone else would have found comfort in my sadness.

It is likely that a certain percentage were indeed happy with the season and all, that another percentage are already on happy pills, and some were just as unhappy as I was! This is the logical side of me speaking.

You see, I am a blue which means I'm more of a feeler than some other personality types. I think that perhaps, at times, I just plain out feel things much more deeply than I should. Is there a cure for that? Is it possible just to take life in stride and not succumb to the tough parts through which we must traverse?

I can say I have learned much in the last few months of my life:

Nothing in life is certain.

Certain decisions lead to hardship, but the decisions were still good. (strange I know) I'm not sure Martin Luther regretted nailing the 95 thesis to the church door when he was standing trial for breaking the law or when he later was alledgedly whisked away into the night on a horse. I wonder if he thought he could have more discreetly handled the outing of the falsehoods taught by the Catholic church? Perhaps. Some things just need to be done, and the pieces picked up after the good has transpired. What follows those tough decisions can lead to reformation.

Other decisions when they involve other people keeping their word, are not wise to make because some people not only don't mean what they say, but also don't even mean what they do!!! Life gets confusing when this happens. Fortunately, no one that I love has pulled the rug out from under me like this. Just some I foolishly trusted.

Saving lives is always worth it, and giving even one adolescent kid a year of knowing he can succeed at life is priceless.

Working a mundane meaningless job you hate is no way to live, but getting to live and work in an area you are passionate about takes much work and perseverence. (I think it will be worth it in the long run FOR SURE.)

Pride is something that must be thrown out the window when you must make decisions for the well being of your kids day by day.

I firmly believe that God never gives us any trial we can't handle. I find comfort in that. Has anyone ever found a fast forward button in life? How horrible is it to want time to pass at the speed of light for say um a year or so?

In closing on this very cold Texas morning, I enjoyed Gina's graduation and after party very much! We had good times for sure! Watching her turn her tassle and walk across that stage to get her degree from Biola University symbolized much for me. She set what seemed like an insurmountable goal four years ago, and she reached that goal smashingly. That, my friend, was inspiring to me and many others I'm sure.

I found myself visiting the future and hearing the kids names as they will cross that stage. It just made me realize that lives are so precious, and accomplishments are to be celebrated in a big way now and for years to come!!!! There is so much joy that the future will hold, and all of the joy for Z and S will happen because of that cold day nearly a year ago, when I signed on the dotted line. I sacraficed much, but anything I have given up, pales in comparison to the future they now have.

May I somehow muster up some joy today so that I can share that with them, Josh and Ken!