Pardon My Scowl!

Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary. Isaiah 40:13

Okay, so I finally claimed a verse for this process! I don't know what took me so long! As I started thinking about eagles and how they soar over storms so effortlessly gliding from place to place, I remembered how much I need to depend upon the wind beneath me to carry me through this trying time of the unknown. I need to stop trying to push for things to be done in my timing. God knows exactly when Zack and Sophia need to come home, and He'll handle it on my behalf.

As I was thinking all of these spiritual thoughts, I had to find some balance with what I refer to as tangible reality. After all, I am a recovering legalistic Baptist girl (not that all Baptist are like the ones that crossed my path) who was brought up wearing dresses, shunning movies, drinking, and some say sex because it may lead to dancing! Anyhow, this background keeps me grounded in the grace and humor that I believe the Lord has for His children. He is a loving father who nurtures us and disciplines us as a loving human father would - not abusive or walking with a big stick or expecting us to be just like Him all of the time. He knows we can't do that try as we might!!!

So, as I bounce back into that balance between spirituality and reality, I notice the scowl on the face of the eagle!!! That does look like I have for the past couple of weeks! Maybe God knew that even though waiting patiently for His timing is the right thing to do, it might be tough to keep a smile on our faces 24/7! :)

Last night I got an email that said something to the effect of, "I have a little place in my life for spiritual things." It wasn't those exact words, but it was close. I just wanted to say that I understand the fear of letting in what sometimes looks like such an inflexible God. Just remember, the God that is revealed by His imperfect children is not always a true reflection of the loving Father who wants to love you so much that it will invigorate your very being. I respect people for who they are and appreciate even the little places given to maybe letting in things that don't come by each of us naturally. I have my little places too!

Much love to all! Me and my scowl are going to lunch!

Update web site

Gina here - I made some MINOR updates to Deana's web site located at www.russiawithlove.org - check it out!

Trust

I am not one who is fond of depictions of Jesus, but I have grown to like this one. I know that none of us really know what he looked like, but we do know His personality and character. The unconditional sacrificial love He has shown us is like the love of no other. Not even the love I have for Zack and Sophia can compare to how much He loves each one of us.

Trust is a tough thing for me. I want to know what is going on and when it will happen. I want to be told that EVERYTHING will be okay and work as planned. I want to know exactly what is around the next corner. Add to all of this that I generally am in a state of planning the next phase of my life.

Right now I find myself feeling completely out of control and needing to trust, but I'll be honest, I'm not good at trusting and am not trusting anyone very much today. I have just declared today my sad day. We all deserve one, right? And, add to that a little bit of angry, and you have my day. Deana's horrible awful terrible day! One thing that I can trust for sure is that no matter how bad my day is Jesus will love me just as much when the pity party has ended.

I can just pray... and I will.

A Rainy Morning

Well, yesterday it was in the 80s, and today I woke up to a very heavy rain storm. Typically in this part of California, when it rains it isn't very heavy at all, but we seem to have lots of fender benders because we natives don't slow down! This morning though, there is no work thanks to President Washington and Lincoln! So, I have the unusual opportunity of enjoying the rain from inside my comfy home. That is a nice change! The pic above is the view from my back window with the rain pouring down pitter pattering on the pool water. It is so awesome to listen to as it falls.

Well, my sister Stephanie says that she had a premonition that I will get the call this week sometime. We shall see. Growing up Baptist, we think it is more like maybe the Lord tapping on her shoulder or maybe just her wishes trying to make things a reality. Stephanie said she had a dream that she was at the airport and we were walking down the ramp and Zack and Sophia saw her and ran to her! I LAUGHED so hard because they will likely have a life grip on me or be sound asleep, but I love how much she loves them already!

So, this morning was also somewhat of a fiasco because I forgot to buy my flavored coffee creamer when I went grocery shopping yesterday. I had a somewhat mild meltdown which was totally crazy because meltdowns don't really help things. Gina was kind enough to go out in the storm to get me some creamer. She was kind and came back like a wet puppy dog. Sorry Gina - mush is my mind and evidently even little things are getting to me!

Much love to all of you out there in blogger land! Congratulations Lauren! Cupcake is absolutely beautiful! I can't wait to see pics of Tyler and Olive! What a blessing it is that a dozen or so kids are coming home from Moscow very soon!

Los Angeles in February

Well, in wanting to pass the time as quickly as possible, I decided to go to the J. Paul Getty Museum yesterday where they we displaying Sinai Icons as well as some of the amazing works of Monet, Manet, and Van Gogh. Can you tell that I like the impressionists?

They were also displaying the Berman Collection of Photograghs which was pretty cool. I love taking pictures, and it was interesting to see what types of photos made it into this collection of photos which depicted America and American life. They were really quite amazing some of them and others were a little outside my realm of taste. Of course, this does not mean that the photos I didn't jive with were not great photos. I am just one mind and am very limited by my environment as we all are!

It is amazing though that the best work of art at the Getty is that of the view of Los Angeles and the vast ocean! It is awe inspiring to say the least. It just reminded me that God's art will forever out shine whatever we try to create. Isn't it funny though how most art simply tries to mimic His creations? I guess that just goes to prove that imitation is the highest form of flattery. And, on another level, how awesome is our God, that he gave us the abilities to create such wonderful works?

I always tell my students that God really could have made the world black and white, and we would have never known the difference. He gave us so many briliant colors to enjoy just as a perk! Now, there would be much confusion in a black and white world like how would we know when to go, stop or slow down and how would we know if our pasta had white sauce or red? Geese, how crazy would that be? Anyone who is friends with a true Italian knows that you don't mess with the red sauce!

Okay, so I am blithering a bit, but you can see how my mind has gone to mush missing Zack and Sophia! I need them here with me, and I need them soon!

I have an update...

Well, I got this email about five minutes ago:

Hi Deana: After countless emails, calls, etc., I finally was given a reason for the long delay in getting you a court date. I do not understand why xxxx couldn't have said this weeks ago. It would have saved us all alot of angst. If you recall when you were in Russia for your 1st trip, the 2nd child referred to you, was that Sophie? was not off the Federal Data Bank. I guess there was a conversation about making another trip, but xxxx worked it out so you could accept both children and only have to travel one more time. At any rate, one of the children, I assume it was Sophie did not come off the Federal Data Bank until the 5th of this month, so in addition to waiting for a Court date, xxxx has been waiting for the release letter to come from the Federal Data Bank in order to get the same Court date for both children. She hasn't been able to request Sophie's Court date because the letter is still not available. She expects it any day and is hopeful she will be able to have your Court date shortly. Certainly you could have gone for Zack's Court hearing but would have had to go back to NN for Sophie's later on. Atleast this way you only go once. So finally the mystery is solved. I have been calling and questioning why the delay, why, why, why, and finally today I got an answer. Who knows, maybe xxxx was somewhat worried and did not want to mention it in a call or email. At any rate, Sophie is officially off the Federal Registry and we should be getting a Court date just as soon as the data bank letter is received.

My Response:

I did not know that Sophia was not on the Federal Data Bank which means she wasn't available for adoption when I visited her. This is all news to me. While I am so sad, I must look at the bright side of things. I wonder if they had told me she wasn't available for adoption yet, if I would have gone to meet her??? Who knows? It is likely that I would have been apprehensive. And, since they only let siblings be adopted together, that would have meant no Zack or Sophia. That would not have been God's perfect will for me or for them. So, all in all, I feel better for at least being informed. A bit alarmed yes, but informed is good.

I hope to be back in Russia with my little ones this month. Pray with me! God already has it all planned, and the best thing I can do is rest knowing that He will take care of the details of their gotcha day, and I will give Him all of the glory when all is said and done. I mean some people out there are still waiting for accreditation! Life is not all bad, but boy Josh is not going to be happy!

New Look

Well, as you can see I found another way to pass the time! I have begun learning about the wonderful world of html code. It is quite a process. I have the cut and paste part down. Now, I want to learn how to write the actual code! It is addicting!

Well, I did not receive the call today despite my gut feeling that I would! Bummer, but all is well because God knows just what he has planned.

Josh's first words this morning, "WHEN ARE ZACK AND SOPHIA COMING HOME?" I said, "That is a very good question my little man."

One other Josh story since he and I had great fun yesterday! We were bee bopping around shopping here and there and he said, "D, let's have a spelling bee." I was like okay so he's six so let me think of some words - cat. He says C A T. I said bat - B A T. This is how it went for about five words and then he said, "Those are easy words!" "Ask me how to spell leadership or something harder. So, I say okay smarty pants, spell leadership - he says, "L E A D E R S H I P". He is six years old! I thought I'd call his bluff and said, "Spell holiday." He said, "H O L I D A Y."

Moral of my story - Josh's mom can relax knowing he is eager to learn and to be challenged, AND I highly recommend having your kids watch Akeelah and the Bee. Josh thought she was cool.

Yep, we are all anxious!

Hello - Gina here, breaking into Deana's blog! Ba ha ha ha!

Just wanted to say that the whole family is excited and anxious for the kids to come home! In fact, this morning when Josh was being dropped off by his dad, the first thing out of his mouth was, "Is Zack and Sophie here?"

That sums is up pretty well! We are ready and able to hug those kids!

Going Stir Crazy!!!

Well, I am officially going stir crazy!!! This is a pic of a chunk (no pun intended) of my family. Top left: Drew (19), Michael (17) Bottom left: ME (old), Babushka (older), Victoria's head (24), and Stephanie (22) These are 4 of my 8 brothers and sisters who are eagerly anticipating the arrival of Zack and Sophia!

I get a call each day from each of them and then add that to the peeps at work - I get asked the infamous question often - "Do you have a court date"? I don't mind the question, but I respond often that I will SHOUT it from the mountain top when I get the call!

So, life lately has been a little hectic. Gina has been taking five classes towards her degree completion program. Mom is also finishing up her business degree at Biola at a bit of a slower pace. Stephanie is transitioning to living at my house to be the nanny. My mom is getting ready to put her house on the market. I am caring for Gina's boys three nights a week (good practice). My dad is in the hospital with congestive heart failure refusing to take his meds. My oldest bro is in the hospital having tests run for a long time illness. My sister, Victoria is expecting. I'm training a very large puppy, AND, then there is this waiting thing.

You know when I type it all out on paper, it sounds like such a huge burden, but I don't feel overwhelmed by it all. Maybe I just tune out some of it, but nevertheless, I know God is in control of each situation, and it will do me no good to worry.

What I do know is that Zack and Sophia are going to be loved beyond belief and that God is going to teach us so many things through their little lives. What a blessing to get to be a part of their lives!

Tonight, I think I just may crash before Grey's Anatomy!! No, say it isn't so! I can't let it happen. Thanks be for TIVO!

Showers of Blessings!

Well, my work shower went very well. I was pleasantly surprised! It was fun, and I wasn't too embarrassed.
We showed the video and gave the pop quiz. Once again people learned much about Russian adoption and many were moved to pray about adopting. They were especially moved by the fact that less than 1% of Russia orphans are adopted by Americans. There is this false misconception that there are lines of couples waiting to adopt these kids in need. It simply isn't true. The waiting has nothing to do with a lack of children on the other end!
It was a tough choice to make, but I know that God has equipped me for this challenge! Plus, I know many single moms whose kids have turned out wonderfully, and their moms actually enjoyed the process!
I don't have pictures of my shower just yet since I forgot to take my camera. I am at the mercy of someone at my workplace to provide me with some pics. Maybe I'll just take some pics of the gifts some time this weekend.

I was blessed with Sophia's kitchen and accessories. Boy, will she be excited. Josh has already started cooking away. I also received pajamas for both, sleeping bags for both, bathing suits for both, hot wheels, dress up clothes, lots of gift cards towards the dresser I need for their undies, socks, and pajamas. I also received the much needed step stools so they can brush their teeth, reach the counter to help me cook, and just be taller!

Well, I have no new news to share, but I did hear from the agency - they want the balance of the payment - OUCH! All is well that ends well though! And, one cannot put a price tag on helping kids in need.

Just between you and me - I think I'll be looking for other opportunities to help children as soon as Zack and Sophia get settled and properly attached. I am a dreamer, a teacher, a lover, a compassionate soul, oh, and a commercial loan processor (blah!). I want to do things that make a difference in the world, and right now that seems to be processing and adopting! Who knows what the future holds?!! Maybe another degree? Nah! Do you think I'm crazy? LOL

Is time standing still?

It seems like the hands on the clock are not moving! I am so anxious to receive the call regarding a court date. I want to get over there to Zack and Sophie as soon as possible! I know that the kids and I are in good hands with the agency and our Russian representatives. This doesn't make the waiting easier though!
Tomorrow is my shower at work. I am not one to like to be the center of attention so I am not hugely looking forward to it, but I am so excited for people to get to see pics of the kids and to watch the video. My prayer is that if God has been working on any hearts out there about adoption, this might give that extra nudge. We will be giving the Russian Adoption pop quiz as well! :)
Well, I am off to bed now because the time goes faster when I am sleeping!

Thanks to those of you who comment when you read! I need to put a counter on my blog so I can see if people are checking it! Without comments, it feels so lonely in this blog world!

Many blessings to all of the readers out there! Please keep Zack, Sophie, and all of the children in orphanages in your prayers.

Adoption Shower

Toys, toys, everwhere...Awesome bikes, thanks Uncle Jerry and our Texas family!!! Thanks Auntie Stephanie and Uncle Drew for my new toybox!!! Love, Zack

Sophie's Quilt and so much more...thanks Wanda and Ana and friends!!!

Bikes, toy boxes, booster seats, pjs, clothes, quilts, sheets, and much much more!

Well, Stephanie and Gina were right! My toddler shower was a blast! There was a great turn out of friends and family who have supported me through this process! The games were very fun! Each person brought a baby picture of themselves which meant we had pics from the 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, and 90s! It inspired very cool conversations about childhood fun, etc... What a great idea! Then we had the Russian Adoption pop quiz that Gina created. It had many thought provoking questions such as how many miles is Moscow from Orange County, CA and how many orphans live in Russia and of those how many are adopted by Americans. There were about 20 questions, and people were amazed at the answers. After this, we played the memory game where my sis put a bunch of stuff in a basket and showed the group for 30 seconds and then had them write down what they could remember. It was awesome!

The prizes were incredibly generous - $25 gift card to Best Buy (way to go Amy), $25 to Ross (way to go Evelyn), movie passes (way to go Allie and Rosie).

After the games were finished, Gina played the video she created of Zack and Sophie called "What Now"? This too was so very mind stirring and quite frankly emotional. You could hear the sniffs around the room. It was not a downer but such a happy video of the first trip. She did and awesome job!!!! After the video was finished, at least 3 people were asking where to sign up!

My friends and family were ultra generous as they know its quite a task to gather everything needed for a 3 and 4 year old! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

This was truly the greatest shower ever! Thanks to Sis Stephanie and Gina!!!

Random Pics as Requested by Some of Ya'll

This pic is just for those of you who don't believe I am getting grey hair while waiting for my court date!!!!

This is Tex! Soon to meet Zack and Sophia (from a distance at first)! He is an American Bulldog. He was born on 9/11/06.

My sister, Vicotria in Vatican Square in Italy. This is before she knew that she'd be expecting her first baby in just 21 months! Congrats my little sis!!!

This is a pic of an island off of Venice, Italy where the color of the home signifies the family that lives in the home. It is a very beautiful place!

Italy, February of 2006 (At this point, I had not started the adoption process)

Still Waiting but Finding Ways to Fill in the Time

One way I have found to fill the time is by driving about 40 minutes from my house to Wrightwood where it snows each time it rains in my neck of the "woods". That is the great thing about Southern California - an hour to the snow, the beach, the desert, or 20 minutes to the mall!!!

We have had tons of fun playing in the snow, and Gina's boys have even taken snowboarding and skiing lessons at Mountain High. Both have picked it up very easily and are quite good at it. I can't help but wonder how long it will be before Zack and Sophie are on the slopes - maybe next winter I hope.

Well, as soon as I get a court date I will be shouting it from the mountain tops!!!! Tomorrow is my first adoption shower which is being thrown by my sweet sister, Nanny McStephanie. She is so wonderful to me, and I am so thankful that God placed her in my life! What a blessing she has been!

Stay tuned for pics of my shower and all of the fun that will transpire. From what I've been told, a toddler shower is to be much more fun and active than a baby shower. We shall see what crazy things are planned!

Gina has created a high tech video of Zack and Sophie, and she did a wonderful job. She had me crying so much! It will be shown at my home and work showers. I need to run this idea by her, but I just may have her offer to all you sweet people out there her services as once you see this video, you will want one of your own precious child(ren). Let me see what I can do! She really has a heart for adoptors and adoptees! Let me know if you're interested in this.