How do you measure fun?

Around here we measure it by the amount of dirt on Sophia's face!

They wrestled together for a good 20 minutes before someone got hurt, and no, it wasn't Sophia although her bow was hanging by a thread!!

Both kids are getting better on their skateboards. Sophia can now ride standing, and she can even turn the board.

"Mom, if I can't figure out these jumps, I will NEVER be a professional skateboarder"!!!! Those were his exact words as I took this picture. I had to fight the laughter back! Although, a woman did stop by about 3o minutes sooner asking how old he was. She said she won't let her 6 year old have a board, but was amazed at how good Zack was. LOL I think she's one of those weak at heart moms! Zack is just all boy!

From the looks of this picture, Sophia had a VERY fun day! She looks like the dog on The Little Rascals with that ring around her eye.

This picture reminds me of what they might be like as during their early college years! I think Sophia will definitely out "party" Zack! She'll be dragging him back to the frat house!

It is TRUE love. She wants so much to be like him and just is all over him all of the time. He is super patient with her MOST of the time!

This picture was NOT posed! Both kids were absolutely wiped out by the time we were ready to leave the park. I was hoping so because I wanted them to be wiped out for the sitter!

Update on school and soccer: Zack got another 100% on his spelling test. He seems to have great rote memory skills. He also learned a poem for class and proudly shared it aloud. That is huge growth for a kid who is extremely shy by nature. Zack also scored two goals in his game today. One of the goals was hard earned! He actually dribbled the ball all the way up the field and in and out of multiple players before aggressively scoring a goal. I wish I had a picture of the look on his face as he looked over to see who was watching!

I will find out on Monday how Sophia is doing in school. I have shared with you some of her accomplishments but until I speak to her teacher, I have no idea where she stands in "comparison" to the average kindergarten student.

I can remember teaching first grade and having parents thinking that their kids were doing extremely well only to find out that they were actually in the lowest reading group and significantly behind in other subjects. This is not to say that those students were not showing incredible improvement. It just meant that they were not functioning at grade level.

I have to say that my fear is not that my kids are not functioning at grade level. It is that they are not doing the most that they can with the abilities they have. I really don't want them to skate through life. I would rather them work hard now, and enjoy an adulthood of bennies. That from one who had the potential to go Ivy League and didn't know any better.

How do you know you're old? When you get home from a "night" out on the town at 7:30PM having had a full "evening"! I highly suggest the movie "The Secret Life of Bees". It was a very good movie full of touching moments, but what I walked away with was the concept that NO love is perfect. Everyone loves the best they can and usually when the love is painful, it is because those doing the loving are doing so through a thick veil of pain. I won't go into why because I don't want to ruin the movie for you. Let's just say, it was thought provoking and Dakota Fanning was incredible as usual.

My book is calling... Another mind boggling Mary Higgins Clark novel! I love her books even though they're not smart. Although, I have read the biography of Marylin Manson and Heith Ledger recently.

Learning Difficulties or Acclamation to a New Life?

Krista,

I was going to send you an email privately to answer your question or more so to address your concerns based on my limited experience, but I figured that there may be some other adoptive parents out there who would like to read and compare what they have experienced with their own adopted children.

Anyhow, the question (for those other few readers) was whether or not I felt Sophia had a learning disability early on because she could not retain much academic information. The short answer to that question is YES!

I would show Sophia 52 things that were red and try in many many ways to get her to remember, but no matter how hard I tried or how hard I made it - she would know it and then it would disappear within minutes. The only color she could point out with any consistency was PINK! Then later, she could point out yellow. The reason she knew these colors was because everything she owned was pink, and we would play a game daily as we drove calling out yellow cars. There was a TON of repitition with no concern or talk of learning or teaching!

However, that being said, I still worried that she had some learning problem because it seemed like at 4 years old, she should have been able to retain more information. To be fair, she did retain a tremendous amout of data, but it was not academic in nature. She could count to 6 and didn't care to count higher. She couldn't successfully count objects up to 4 or 5.

Gina would continually tell me how smart she was though BECAUSE what she did retain is where we were going in the car - by the second or third turn she not only knew where we were going, but she also pointed out several landmarks along the way and told us anything she knew about those landmarks from past conversations.

She could remember vividly her departure from the baby home. She remembered details about the train ride to Moscow; what she ate; where she slept; what she played; and that she was scared. She could also read emotions very well. She knew and still knows when people are sad, happy, lonely, or tired to name a few feelings. If she asked where we were going, I'd say, "to the moon," and she'd respond, "the car does not fly". So she had no problem using facts to come up with solutions.

With all of that being said, just 6 weeks ago, I did not think she was ready for kindergarten. Her preschool teacher told me that she needed another year of preschool. She still had not mastered her colors or numbers and her small motor skills were very weak. Her social skills, however, were very strong. She was very outgoing and made friends very easily. I agreed with the preschool teacher because I had experienced the same thing at home. Colors left her mind as quickly as I showed her what they were, and she had NO time to learn anything bookish.

I decided to put her into kindergarten because she BEGGED me to let her go. She LOVED preschool and the thought of staying home while Zack went to school literally made her cry. I figured that it was the social butterfly in her that wanted to go. I told her if you go, you are going to have to learn colors and numbers. She quickly responded, "I AM NOT GOING TO SCHOOL FOR THAT" in a very cute adamant tone.

To be completely candid, I put her in school because I figured she could easily be held back in kindergarten next year if need be AND because paying daycare for kindergarteners is EXPENSIVE because of the half day classes here in CA. Now seemed like a good time for her to start since my working situation allows me to be available to pick her up. So, you see, my decision was partially selfish!

To my complete SURPRISE, she is doing very WELL! She is not functioning above average at this point, but she is thriving. Her motor skills have improved tremendously! She knows ALL of her colors and can count to 15! She can even count objects now! She knows how to write her name and colors within the lines. She enjoys being read to and looks at books voraciously. Her teacher says she is a total spongue, and if there was a most improved student, she'd be it. School started September 2nd, and I never would have guessed she could learn so much in such a short time.

My only caveat is that I work with her a great deal at home as well, but it is NOT tough. She loves homework and any kind of extra work book I can get her. She is just a little driven thing and likes to learn new things. It is like night and day.

So, my answer to Krista, from my experience, I think Sophia missed out on so much during her baby/toddler years that she NEEDED time to be enjoy some of the things she missed. That meant not having to waste time learning facts when she needed to learn about the new world around her and how a real family works. She was learning and retaining a ton of information, it just wasn't the information that at the time was meaningless to her. I mean who cares if her shoes are black, she just cared that they were hers and that they had a flower on the toe!

I have read that children that have been insitutionalized or come from home where little nurture and guidance was given are behind by at least a year developmentally. I have found that to be true with Sophia. She needed more toddler time.

With Zack, he came home behaving very maturely. He learned rapidly, but since he was a bit older, he wanted to know more. He wanted to be on the same level as his playmates, and he needed to know his colors and numbers to survive.

I don't think I'd worry about Tate at this point. My advice would be to subtract a year from his age and adjust your expectations accordingly and know that when he needs to know the information, he will want to learn it. When he wants and needs to learn it and can't, that'll be the sign that he may have a learning issue.

I commend you for doing the character training you are doing!!! Many parents focus only on their kids complete happiness and miss that piece. The character is the foundation upon which all of the academic successes will be built. Without the character, much of the knowledge they pick up on their way to adulthood may never be accompanied by the wisdom and hard work necessary to know how to use it. This is where I have gotten bogged down lately - trying to find a balance between wanting a smile on my kids' faces and wanting them to be ready for a world that doesn't much care if they're smiling or not. Perhaps you have some advice for me in raising happy well balanced kids who know how to work hard and feel great about it!!!! I would imagine that there's nothing worse than to grow old and see your adult kids struggling at doing life.

That's all from the peanut gallery today. Hope it helps!

Sophia's FIRST Field Trip

Sophia enjoyed her first field trip today! She was only a little disappointed that the pumpkin patch did not have a haunted house. She loves things that are spooky in nature.

This next picture portrays Fall in California - pumpkins tossed into a large field, sunflowers growing as hedges, with palm trees and smog in the background. I can't complain as this is my favorite place to live. Of course, I'd love waves in the background.

I was teaching Sophia about sunflowers, and she was amazed that sunflower seeds come from flowers! She asked me if her Auntie Gina knew that. Ummmmm, I think she probably does, baby girl, and yes, she should grow some!

Here is her monster pose - "like on Scooby Doo, Mom"!

She ran wild through the patch leaping over the pumpkins.

Child of the corn....NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Sophia with some of her friends...

Zack asked where his pumpkin is from last year. I told him that they rot, but he couldn't comprehend that fully until I showe dhim this picture! Crazy how something so beautiful turns into mush. I prefer when it turns into PIE!!!!

After school, I took both kids to another pumpkin patch for some fall fun.

Growing up WAY too fast...

Flashback to last fall! Makes me so sad to see them growing up so fast. I have become one of those moms who actually watches my kids sleep thinking about how time flies by too quickly.

Take a Vote!

Zack finally asked for a haircut so I indulged him. I have to admit I thought I'd like it much better cleaner, but after looking back at some pics, I think I like it longer. So which look do you like?

Catch Up Pictures

Here are a few pics of the fun we've had the past few days! The kids are doing wonderfully well in school and socially. Zack has scored 100% on his first two spelling tests and a 100% on his first math test. I pray this continues. We shall see. He has been very happy about his progress. He was bummed today to miss school as he was not able to take his spelling test! He is crazy but in a responsible way which is cool.

We are working on minor character issues with Zack right now: 1. Learning to HAPPILY share even when you don't want to; and 2. Learning not to be sassy with adults. I am sure that once we tackle these bad habits, we tackle a couple more.

Sophia has surprised me in Kindergarten. I was not going to put her in school this year because she just didn't seem interested in learning, but boy has she shocked her mama! She has mastered writing her name and knows all of her letters and sounds. She begs to go to school which I hope lasts a lifetime.

Sophia's current character struggles are: 1. Listening the first time she is told to do or not do something; and 2. Learning not to play too rough. She is a crazy woman!

I think it makes sense to try to train your kids to not show but live the fruits of the spirit...which right now I am too tired to list!

Some wrestling fun...

Fun in the park before soccer practice...

Crazy bedtime fun!

And, afterwards she could barely keep her eyes open...

Some Miscellaneous pictures of fall 2008 fun...

Taking a leisurely stroll...

Can't believe I haven't posted this one before now. Sophia loves to tell the story of how she fed the dolphin.

Zack's First Performance in First Grade

Here he is before the program began. Mr. tough stuff trying to act cool, you can see a little shyness in his face!

Hats off to the "red, white, and blue". I am a sucker for these patriotic programs.

Here he is asking if he did a good job singing. And, actually he did do a great job. Usually he is too shy, but today he overcame his fear. And, that is AWESOME. I am all about teaching and encouraging my kids to overcome fears so that their fears don't control their futures. This coming from someone who never conquered many fears and quite frankly had a lot of fears unecessarily built into me!

I enourage the other moms out there not to let your kids skate through life. Give them tough goals to reach and reward them for reaching them. NOTHING builds self esteem better than a person reaching tough goals after working very hard to do so.

On that note, Zack knows all of the 0-10 addition families! He worked hard for 15 days before he finally succeeded at getting them all right! He earned his video games back and the new Lego Batman game for his DS. He worked very hard, and there is nothing I could have done to give him such a feeling of self worth other than letting him work hard and succeed. This is a little taste of life. He is learning that "it is what YOU make it" and "you're not a victim of circumstances or weaknesses unless you allow yourself to be".

I am learning so much in this process of parenting. It is hard work to be a purposeful parent but seeing his excitement and hearing how he told me over and over that he thought he could never do it, makes it worth all of the hard work and determination on my part as the "strict" mom (LOL). And, trust you me, I am as tempted as every other parent out there to make excuses for why my kid "is just not good at this or that".

It's an uphill battle, but I'm told by those that have gone before me, that the hard work now will pay off in the long run.

Sorry for the hiatus. The wireless connection has been down. I'm at Starbucks now - the wondrous fragrance of coffee brewing, the hub bub of people walking in and out, the urban music playing in the background, Sophia sitting across from me practicing writing her name... a little piece of heaven.

Skateboarding Fun

Here's my little skateboard princess! She loves riding a skateboard, and she SO wants to be like her brother.

Yes, they were both skateboarding down this hill! Zack would skate from the top, and Sophia from about 1/4 of the way up.

The speed Zack caught on Sophia's Sector 9 was AMAZINGLY scary for this mom, but I don't want to make him a mama's boy so I grin and bear it (within reason of course)!

And, here was the damage. However, statistically speaking, this was nothing since he flew down that hill about 45 times! He fell towards the bottom but learned a valuable lesson - do NOT try to stop your board while going full speed down hill! He rolled 4 times and came up with a bloody elbow and a ripped shirt.

Two jr high boys were watching and said, "Dude, we'd be crying if we were you." Zack rolled his eyes, like he does so well and started back up the hill. The boys said, "Dude you are determined". He then smiled and flew down two more times successfully before I gave into my fear and told him to wrap it up! :) Honestly, I love that part of his personality! I hope he'll carry the determination into the classroom today!

Random Post

I was talking to an "old" friend yesterday, and the conversation caused me to think about things I haven't pondered for quite some time. Bear with me as I try to get this out in a way that makes sense! This is one of those posts that only refers to Zack and Sophia in a very round about way.

I was thinking about the pastors I've been under in my lifetime:

Pastor DW: Stole money from the church which caused the church to close.
Pastor LC: Had several affairs and finally after 13 years of ministry at the church was forced to leave. He has sense gone on to pastor several other churches where he has ruined many families.
Pastor MC: Son of Pastor LC. Took over for daddy and "fell" prey to the same downfalls! After ruining several families, moved on to pastor another church.
Pastor JB: Seemed to be above board and full of integrity.
Pastor PC: I acutally taught under him but never attended "his" church; however, he stole millions of dollars from the church and is currently being prosecuted for fraud and money laundering.

All of the above preached the same gospel. They all loved people on some level. They all knew and know the Bible. They were all proclaiming to know exactly how God wanted His people to live their lives, and there are MANY more just like them!

You may think this is where I go off on them and state that Christianity is what's wrong with the world. I don't feel that way. What I do feel; however, is that people are human. There is no person, pastor or not, who is free from blemish or blame for some immoral act whether it be overeating or pride.

What I do question is how pastors go along without any accountability. As for the pastors who had multiple affairs, who was turning a blind eye and WHY? And why when the deacons at one church call the deacons at a new church to warn them about the behaviors, does the new church turn a blind eye and knowingly let the wolf in the doors? Why do Christian counselors enourage these pastors to go back into a field where their greatest weaknesses will be tested?

Why when people see that there is WAY too much money in a pastor's pocket, do they not inquire? Why do they turn a blind eye on the Mercedes, Cadillac and BMW in his driveway. Why when a church runs less than 200, do people not question WHERE all of his money is coming from?

I guess my real question is why have Christians been so beaten down that they don't have the integrity or fortitude to ASK QUESTIONS? In each of the above situations, it was because the pastor did NOT ALLOW questioning. May I suggest, that is the first sign of an unhealthy pastor? Any pastor who does not have an open door policy is questionable at best.

I could be so bitter. I could turn my back on Christianity stating it is full of hypocrisy and contradiction, but rather I choose to separate what Jesus shared as Christianity from the man-made rules and regulations that the aforementioned pastors pushed. I choose to think for myself. I have chosen to get an education! I have chosen to seek God daily and to know Him more. I have been forced to open my eyes; to be a critical thinker.

So how does this relate to Zack and Sophia? Well, I have made a very purposeful decision NOT to knowingly raise them under the leadership of any narcissistic pastor. I have also chosen to teach them to question things and to seek to find answers for themselves. I don't want them just to believe things because someone says it's true. I want them to THINK!!!

Anyhow, you get my drift. I don't want my kids to waste a decade of their lives trying to heal from growing up under men and women who pretend to be perfect only to be exposed.

Welcome October

With no guidance, Sophia took all of the pictures on this blog except the ones of her!!!

Sophia sits and watches Zack practice! She is not all that thrilled that he gets all of the attention at his practice and games!

Any thoughts on Zack's hair? He loves it long because he says, "It is soft, mom"! It is driving me crazy at this in between stage!

Another pic from Sophia...

She seems to have an eye! I may enter one of these pictures in a photo contest at her school.

For some reason, this one amazes me!

She seemed to be enjoying the sunset!

Learning tricks the safe way - on the grass!

And, as you can tell this little angel was tired and cranky!