Pics for those Asking Zack (6) Sophia (4)

Since Zack has been home, Sophia has been 100% easier to manage!!! She missed her brother!

Funny, kind, compassionate, loving, athletic, flexible, driven...

Crazy, energetic, bossy, driven, clean, helpful, protective, loving...

That's the kids in real time - 5 minutes ago!

This after watching Hannah Montana and The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. Both are pretty harmless shows. Sophia prefers Power Rangers and Zack, of course, prefers Spiderman, but they really got into the Disney Channel today.

Now they're off playing video games for an hour or so. I'm not so good with the alone time, but I'm getting better at it. Some love to be alone, but I am not one of them! I know, however, that learning to be alone is a key process to healthy living. Truly alone... ick!

Pics of the Kidlets

Some parents love uniforms, but not this mom. I guess for some kids, they are a blessing because kids can be pretty mean about what other kids wear or don't wear. This from a teacher who sees how mean kids can be. And, we only have one "free dress" day a week. For this mom, I guess I can deal with it. At least Sophia doesn't have uniforms yet!
Here are the kidlets after a long day of school. Zack's hair is growing out little by little. I'm thinking about letting it grow long, but only if I get it "shaped" so it doesn't look messy. We shall see.



And, here they are after 2 hours at the park! This mom is becoming one with playing hard with the kiddos and letting them get as messy as they wish! Surprisingly, Sophia is cool with a face covered with Gatorade, Hot Cheetos, and dirt as long as she doesn't look in the mirror!


Which brings us to this morning! Here is the crazy haired girl eating her eggs, bacon, toast, and lemonade!

And, crazy Zack who has an awesome sense of humor! He has one liners that are timed just right. His laugh is contagious.

The sun is shining brightly. The kids are eating eggs, bacon, and toast after which they want to do their puzzles. I have already taken my first dose of B12 and HCY Guard. Things seem to be going okay today.

I had a good day yesterday including a 2 hour lunch meeting at which I was actually able to enjoy a meal. I credit that to the vitamins as well!

In a couple of hours, friends will be here to visit, and we'll likely end up at a Bible study of sorts this evening. Although, I have to admit, I'm not much into the Bible study thing. However, I'm hoping my friend will cook as he's so good at it! I love trying his new creations.

Anyhow, I'm continuing in Abba's Child but have also begun to read Max Lucado's Facing your Giants. The goal is to learn as much as possible about who God is and how He works. I have become so jaded in regards to God throughout my life that I just want to figure out what He is all about which to me is step one to figuring out what I am all about.

Anyhow, interestingly enough, Max Lucado points out something I knew about David, but never really thought that much about until now:

One might read David's story and wonder what God saw in him. The fellow fell as often as he stood, stumbled as often as he conquered. He stared down Goliath, yet ogled at Bathsheba; defied God-mockers in the valley, yet joined them in the wilderness. An Eagle Scout one day. Chumming with the Mafia the next. He could lead armies but couldn't manage a family. Raging David. Weeping David. Bloodthirsty. God-hungry. Eight wives. One God.

A man after God's own heart? That God saw him as such gives hope to us ALL. David's life has little to offer the unstained saint. Straight-A souls find David's story disappointing. The rest of us find it reassuring. We ride the same roller coaster. We alternate between swan dives and belly flops, souffles and burnt toast.

We need David's story. Giants lurk in our neighborhoods. Rejection. Failure. Revenge. Remorse. Our struggles read like a prize fighters itinerary.

This incapsulates so well who I feel like I am. And, as pious as it may sound, somehow knowing God loves and uses the broken just as much as he loves those who appear to have it all together, is amazing to me. I still cannot fathom a love such as that. Even when I cannot love myself, He loves me deeply not inspite of who I am or what I have done, but He loves me just as I am belly flops and all.

There are lots of Davids in this world. Full of ups and downs; good and bad; wonderful traits and huge flaws; kind actions and grievous ones. Them there are the people God loves and seeks to use. Doesn't make sense, but it is what it is, and I thank God for that.

Another Day

A new concept:

Interestingly enough, Abba's Child has been somewhat of a tough read for me. It can be tough with an onslaught of accusations coming my way to really focus on God's love and acceptance, but perhaps this is how Joseph felt when thrown in the pit by his brothers who were so angry at his pious ways. Not sure?

Anyhow, somehow Joseph, flawed as he was, pulled himself up by his bootstraps and did what was right. And, ended up loving the ones who hurt him deeply unfolding years of pain in his life. And, as Beth Moore points out so well, Joseph was not perfect - he was perfectly annoying prancing around in his colorful coat acting as though he was the "little prince". He wasn't completely innocent, and perhaps being thrown into the pit helped him grow out of that snotty brat into a God loving person who could show grace upon his "enemies". Not sure. All I know is the Bible says, "love your enemies and do good to those that hurt you".

Well, while it would be easy to focus on the accusations, I just can't. It isn't a healthy route. My life belongs to God, and I must choose hour by hour to focus on His truth. As long as I am not harboring any lies, I can walk forward with confidence. Not free of pain or guilt or struggles, but confidence knowing that the hammer is not about to fall. Without fear that I am about to be found out.

Better to fall before God as rotten as I am and accept who I am in Him. Better to be authentic even if it means exposing that I am not perfect and without blame for any drama that has befallen me.

An excerpt from Abba's Child by Brennan Manning:

Then he states something that I will ponder for years; he says it very deliberately. I ask him to repeat it so that I can write it down. "John, the heart of it is this: to make the Lord and his immense love for you constitutive of your personal worth. Define yourself radically as one beloved by God. God's love for you and his choice of you constitute your worth. Accept that, and let it become the most important thing in your life."

We discuss it. The basis of my personal worth is not my possessions, my talents, not esteem of others, reputation...not kudos of appreciation from parents and kids, not applause, and everyone telling you how important you are to the place...I stand anchored now in God before whom I stand naked, this God who tells me "You are my son, my beloved one."

You, just as is every other believer, are my FAVORITE child. Ponder that.

I am not by any means in this place yet, but oh how wonderful it will be when I can get past my pride and grab on to God's love.

Prayer

It's not about a list of what you want or need, but about bearing your soul to Him...not being afraid to come before him all confused and brawl beaten. It is about you just being YOU and Him loving you no matter what.

I relate it to my kids. I wouldn't want them relating to me with a false self. Behaving, smiling, laughing, being polite... only when they talk to me. I want them to be able to say, "I hate school," "I feel sad, weak, or confused," and/or, "I screwed up big time, mom". I want them to be real with me all the way to their human little cores.

I think God wants the same from us. If I have a day where life sucks, I should come to God with my truth. Typically, He'll transform my mind, and other times, He'll say, "I know, my child." "I know." This is a relationship I have never understood.

It is not that I didn't pray. I did, but always for others because I felt so unworthy. Strangely enough, as hard as it is for me to fathom, God wants to relate to the real me. The me who is incredibly flawed. The me who makes mistakes. The me who some people don't like. The me who is really me.

It's sinking in slowly. Now, I pray to Him as a human hiding nothing - completely vulnerable. Asking that He right some wrongs...upturn some dominos over which I have no control.

Kids are doing well. Zack is line leader this week and loving it. Today I am the one who got into trouble for forgetting there's no school tomorrow so his homework had to be done today! DUH!

Sophia, with her little bossy ways, has been having a great week, and shhhh don't tell Zack, SHE IS TALLER THAN HE IS NOW!!!! I just noticed it yesterday! No wonder she's been eating so much!!!

And, some have asked about the vitamins I am starting. TriVita (only online) They have sublingual vitamins which means they are strips that disolve under the tongue and go right into the system. It has been suggested I take B12, Cal Mag D, and HCY Guard. I have a couple of friends who have suffered with depression/anxiety, and these have helped in place of perscription meds. I am not giving my feedback until I've taken them for a couple of weeks.

A New Day

Just finished reading Healing Stones. Other than the all too tightly tied up ending, the book was very helpful. I guess I should have expected it to be tied up with a nice bow since it is a Christian novel, you know? I guess I'm stereotyping, but for this book, it's true.

I would recommend the book for any Christian person blaming him/herself for making a mistake and not being able to readily forgive him/herself. Or, for a person, who is seeking to help someone else to recognize their worth in Christ and to know that humans cannot be defined by a mistake. It also shows the harm caused by overly conservative legalists who allow for "no flaws" in fellow Christians. If I were to tell you about the stones, I'd give the plot away so I won't!

Zack actually is liking school now and asking tons of questions about God which is cool. He is also reading much better with the help of his teacher of some friends assisting me in tutoring him after school. He did decide today, however, that instead of tagging people he could spit on them so they'd be "out". I have no idea where this kid gets this stuff... Well, maybe it was the Pelican where he spent a few years learning from teenagers.

Sophia was hungry yesterday. For dinner she ate six pepperoni, a hot dog with the bun, chips, carrots, broccoli, a huge bran muffin, and she was still asking for more! I wonder where it all goes! And, I am jealous of her metabolism!

Last evening I was finally able to meet with a therapist... Oh my, should I expose that? Well, yes, because it will be another step in the right direction. It was a surface level meeting really as all first sessions go. I did notice that she graduated from Biola and from Rosemead (Biola's School of Psychology). So, we had a little something in common. I wasn't sure if that made me more or less comfortable. By the end of the session, however, I had figured out that she was not a typical conservatively trained therapist. She seems to be a lot more open minded and even complimented an action not taken by a certain entity - not me. I was pleasantly surprised.

So today's a new day. One I can take by the horns and make work for me! I have some homework to do which feels very very manageable!

And, now the prayers have changed from the discontented child to the child who asks to be held in her Father's arms as He rocks her to sleep each night reminding her that everything is going to "work out for the good". Sounds strange, but it is where I am! And, this doesn't mean that the sadness is gone. It just means it is being managed differently.

Again, surface level, but may be helpful to some.

Archuletta was good last night. His song was sung beautifully. Not quite as nice hearing it from him as those in the past, however.

So far, so good...

Zack has not flipped anyone off today! He worked long and hard last night on reading his sight words and practiced writing his numbers the right way. He has a calendar for behavior and also for his school work. He earns a sticker each day and gets a reward at the end of the week if he gets a sticker each day. He also is picking up on his chores where he left off. He wasn't so thrilled about this, but I think chores are good for a kid as long as they're limited to 20 minutes or so worth of work.

Sophia continues to love school. She jumps out of bed in the morning in anticipation of going. She's always disappointed when it is Saturday!

Yesterday at the park, the kids had a blast riding their bikes around and around and around. They never get enough of bike riding for some reason. I couldn't even get them to play soccer with me so I got some reading in while watching them go round and round. It was a pretty day out, and hearing the birds chirp was good for my soul.

Yesterday was also an entire day with no video games which was not too bad. Zack did beg his friend to play so he could watch him! He said, "I like to watch you get to a new level". I'm told I need to buy him a memory card so I must make a trip to Best Buy tonight for that and a hard drive on which I will store mostly pictures.

Both kids are doing well. They get plenty of good eating and love eating vegetables and fruit. The other night they each ate about 12 baby carrots, 8 pieces of broccoli, and 10 cherry tomatoes. I honestly do not know where they put it, but I'm glad they eat better than I ever have! Hopefully they won't have to deal with high cholesterol like another skinny girl I know!

Anyhow, hope all is going well out there for any readers that pass this way. Last night, I finally gave The Great Sadness to God. I think He can carry it much better than I. And, each time I take it back, I'll have to throw it back his way. Trusting God is tough, but who better to trust than the One who never fails us.

And an enlightening shortened list:

CHECKLIST FOR HIDDEN ANGER

Procrastination in the completion of imposed tasks
Sarcasm, cynicism or flippancy in conversation
Over-politeness, constant cheerfulness, attitude of "grin and bear it"
Frequent sighing
Smiling while hurting
Waking up tired
Chronically stiff or sore neck
Excessive irritability over trifles
Difficulty sleeping through the night

This list surprised me. Why? Because I thought my anger had only come forth recently, but reading this list made me realize, I've had hidden anger for quite some time. Now, the next step is to discover why.

For those who wonder, this is not my journal. It's just a surface level blog. In the past, I've gone a little too deep here, that is not gonna be anymore. I will just share some of my learning only because there may be some out there who read that may struggle with the same stuff I'm working through.

Today

It has been a good day overall mixed with some sadness. Overall though, I am blessed.

We went to brunch and the kids ate enough for an army!!!!

Mom flew off to Texas today! Boo Hoo, but she'll be back for the summer months.

Victoria and Anthony drove off for Texas today likely never to return to CA. I hope they love it there!

Off to the park with the kiddos for some quality time and some kick bum fun! Sad will have to be contained for a time under the layers!

Although, i have been known to love onions. You know they leave an aroma behind, don't they? I can't complain.

No premise of love - just love. No control - just freedom. I just can't compartmentalize. Blessings are what they are, but they don't diminish what I feel.

Kids

They're doing well considering all of the changes lately. Last night over dinner with some friends they were recounting our time in Russia remembering Gina bopping the balloons and playing swords with Zack. They remembered going to McDonalds and hating the food. They also recalled being very shy and even hiding when they knew we were coming to visit.

This morning they woke up and asked me to sing the morning song, "Get out of bed you sleepy head and say good morning to the world." Tough request, but I managed to get it out for them.

It is like every fiber of life still has the "past" in it, and I'm not sure how to shelve how I feel even though I was hurt deeply. I am still not able to flip a proverbial switch no matter how angry I become. Even making a list of all the "wrongs" or "offenses" does no good because I still make excuses and give the benefit of the doubt.

As time passes, I hope things can soften a bit. For now, I read, love on the kiddos, and try to surround myself with people who speak the truth even when it is hard to hear.

Short Post

Yesterday, my son flipped off a bunch of second graders at school!!!! He said they were trying to beat him up!

OMW - I am a teacher, dude! Anyhow, his first flipping off was to Auntie Gina and hopefully this was his last! His teacher said she didn't think he did it because she didn't see it. I stood there thinking, "Oh, yes, he did it." This kid of mine... I have to be honest, I was very upset that he used his "bad finger" again, but I did have a tinge of happiness that he is not a victim. I want him to grow up to be a godly guy so using the bad finger is not a good way to protect yourself!!!!

Anyhow, things are going okay. I still carry "The Great Sadness" around with me, but I am doing my best to completely hide it from the kids. I don't want them to carry the burden of feeling like they have to take care of me. After all, that's how I got to be who I am by taking care of my parents. Sophia had started saying things like, "It's okay mom, you have me," and Zack was asking why I was so sad. At first, I had a tough time hiding my sadness and regret, but I'm getting stronger and stronger. Since I am a mom, I am trying to be more outward forcused, but it's a big job.

Abba's Child is an awesome book as is another I'm reading called Healing Stones. I am finding that God loves me a lot more than I thought he did. And, I'm starting to feel less and less guilt for taking one action that caused pain to another. I make no excuses for it, but it was done in extreme pain so defining myself by it would be wrong. Forgiveness may be out of reach from another, but I can bestow it upon myself as God asks me to do. And, I can pray that the pain subside for the other as quickly as humanly possible.

With that, I'm off to a friend's house to relax and "fellowship". Life is definitely different now. If I had it my way, I'd turn back the hands of time and create another ending, but I fear this is the ending God had in mind. So, I keep praying as the discontented child wondering how something that seemed so right could go so horribly wrong. And, I'm seeking to grow from the experience which is an uphill battle.

Pics soon. Camera not readily available.

Surprised by...a tiny bit of JOY

Well, I can't say I've totally bounced back from the the run of emotions of the last month, but I am on the mend for sure. Yesterday, I was surprised by some joy in my life. I took the day off to spend with the kids and to go on an interview which went tremendously well! It took all of 18 minutes to figure out that I was a fit and could do the job with no problem. I am not sure I'll be taking the job, however, as I am really seeking God's guidance, and I'm not sure all of the pieces will fall together as He would like them to. My priorities have to be a little different than they were before:

I need to enjoy the work.
My kids need to have as much of my time as possible.
A desireable school district needs to be close to my job to allow for as little daycare as possible.
Hours need to allow me to have my kids in sports and lessons of some sort to enrich their lives.
And, lastly the pay needs to be right.

This job met 2 of the criteria. I am still praying about it though. I am told that I should feel God loving on me when something right comes my way. I think I'll understand where He leads. I've gone so long making my choices independent of Him, that it's weird to actually stop and think.

Please excuse the nature of this comment, but Zack is the "big" man on campus partially because he is new and partially because he dresses cool (an addiction), but mostly because he can do things physically that kids much bigger than he is cannot do. Even with his height, he has beat some third graders at tether ball. He's feeling good about himself which is nice. However, he is struggling in school. He writes his numbers backwards. He uses all capitals. He cannot read the little books they send home well. But, he can read one syllable words. It will prove to be a long summer of tutoring to get him ready for first grade! His teacher did, however, say he is bright and catches on quickly.

Sophia had her Clancy testing today. For $45.00, they tested her in various areas after which they will provide me with a report and activities to do with her to improve on any weak areas. I checked with her teacher this morning to see if she is having any behavior trouble in class, and she said, "not at all". The teacher (who has taught preschool for about 15 years) said the tantrums I have seen at home are common with a huge change in life such as going from being with me all day to school and then on some nights a sitter. So, I'm told she needs more of me. OMW - How much more can she get? :) Anyhow, some cuddling and holding are in store. We'll see how much more cuddling it will take! I think she'd rather play soccer at the park or ride her scooter so we'll start there! This in addition to her new sticker chart should do the trick.

Some of you know that Sophia was getting a little bit of a lazy eye. Surprisingly, playing the Gameboy has helped as she uses more rapid eye movement. She and Zack play the DS's for about 30 minutes a day and then Zack gets bit of time on his XBox 360 after his responsibilities are handled. Seems like I have two video game junkies! I'll have to help them to learn to prioritize just to ensure that they keep games in their rightful place. I think Zack's wife might be thankful for that. Everything in moderation is key, and I'm working on giving them more decisions day by day. This is something that I need to do better. I tend , to go overboard wanting the kidlets to have the most functional childhood possible, but I'm realizing that functional should include them doing a lot of choosing. So, I asked Zack, "How do you want your hair"? He responds very quickly, "I want a mohawk, and a motorcycle, and a tattoo"!!! YIKES! The old me cringes. The new me thinks there could be worse things to have to worry about than my son becoming a tough biker dude with a mohawk and a tatt that might say, "Mom". As long as the kidlets understand Jesus' love, we're all good! And, for that to happen, this mom needs to get a good grasp of it herself!

Still praying. Still discontent. But, God understands.

Pics tonight.

Hi Ho Hi Ho

It's off to work I go. Well, there are only 7 more weeks of school so this assignment will pass by very quickly! Yesterday as I was teaching, I realized that maybe working in the business world is not such a bad thing! The second grade teacher left sick and asked me to watch her class as well as my own. OMW - they were horrible! There was a time when I could handle 500 kids with no problem, but yesterday 42 were too much for me! I had an out of body experience!

Zack actually enjoyed school yesterday and admitted that he likes Mrs. Wayland! This is a great step in the right direction. She was surprised that he only learned his capital letters! It is so far into the year that he should have been taught to use both capitals and lower case; however, she said he is very bright and picks up on things quickly. This is what I expected to hear from his last teacher but never did. She only told me that he wants to hear that he has done a good job too much! So his little world is coming together.

Sophia got to pick something from the treasure box yesterday. She wanted a few of you to know, but I wasn't able to have her call. She has been waiting since March 17th to dig into that box. She had to earn 10 stickers to do so, and she was beyond jazzed. When I picked her up from school, she was in a room all alone with a little boy. I peeked in, and they both jumped. I was like, "OMW"! I asked her what they were doing, and she said she wouldn't tell me. Finally she told me he asked her to marry him! I guess I got a little overprotective because I talked to the teacher about not wanting her alone with the little boy. Something just didn't feel right, and I think it's better to go with my intuition on this one. So I risked being "THAT MOTHER"!

After school, we did our Gatorade run and hit the park for some play time with the friends we've made there. Each day the kids are invited to go to someone's house, and each day, they're bummed that they can't. The park will have to do for now! I enjoy pushing them on the swings kicking the ball around and seeing them enjoying life. It's good for them to see me happy too! So right now, the park is our elixir and in many ways my escape of reality.

I had an awesome dream last night. I had been having recurring dreams for a few months about what has transpired over the past month so I'm hoping that just maybe my good dream is a good sign. I don't know, but it is worth a tiny bit of hope!

I've been melancholy lately, but I'll admit that it is me struggling with what "The Shack" would call The Great Sadness. At some point, I'll stop carrying it around and give it to God who is much more able to carry it than I am. For now, I continue to pray my prayers of truth that still sound something like a discontented child.

Next book on my list: Abba's Child by Brendon Manning
And tonight: My Next Class Session

Planets Aligning

Zack had computers this morning so he is jazzed to be at school for a time! It is nice getting to go out and watch him swinging on the monkey bars although most of the stuff he wants to do is against the rules and deemed dangerous! If you know him, you understand! Life is all about choices though so when at the park, I tend to let him choose the level of risk he takes. He's yet to do anything too risky. The choice he makes that I'll never understand is wearing his warm jacket in 90 degree weather! But, I leave that to him.

Sophia is in story time right below my classroom. So far, her behavior has been excellent at school. Last night while being babysat; however, she had a melt down in the biggest way. I was shocked at what I heard had transpired, but I dealt with it and loved on her giving her the love and security she needs hopefully without providing negative reinforcement. That little girl is an angel, but I fear jr high years are gonna be crazy! Although, I've heard it said that if your jr higher doesn't hate you at some point, you're doing something wrong in the area of training. We shall see. I'd like the kids to love me all of the time, but I guess I'll be prepared to weather any storms that come our way! Last night, I was happy that tight hugs and cuddling helped "fix" things.

Today, the Lord is loving on us with a sun shiny day and each other to love. He also is loving on us with warms beds to sleep in and yummy food to eat. The kids are especially thankful for the bananas and the pepperoni as of late!!!

We're back to living a pretty structured life, and the kids feel more and more secure as they know what to expect each day. Seems boring for the grown up and maybe stifling to some, but kids need it in a big way. I'm working on balancing that out with lots of physical play as in soccer at the park, feeding the ducks, and pushing them on the swings. Finding balance in life is sometimes tough, but change is always good.

More pics later.

Update and Pics for those Asking

Today was Zack's first day at his new school. He wasn't too thrilled. His words were, "It is so boring." "I would rather stay home and play video games all day"! We'll see if his mind changes because he really does have an awesome teacher now!

After school, we had some fun at the park. I pushed them on the swings and played Auntie G's role letting them kick me and pretending to fall over. They giggled for so long! I tired quickly, but we were making good memories.

Here's the boy having some fun at the park where they played for two hours straight having the best time ever! It did my heart some good. That is for certain! This is Zack's pre tan stage!


The crazy girl! She was concentrating on moving her feet up and then down!

Here she's having some fun with all of Megan's toys! She feels like she's having the neverending slumber party!

The BEST mom and grandma a kid could ever have!!!! I love you mom! I couldn't imagine life without you in it!

I was at a church on Saturday that was refreshing. As I walked in the door, I saw these words painted largely on the wall: PERFECT PEOPLE NOT WELCOME

What a breath of fresh air it was to be in a room full of people who felt no need to wear masks and were not compelled to be hypocrites to hide who they really are.

Thanks for the comments even those that I have not publicly posted. I am in a valley in life, but God continues to show me little blessings here and there. I am amazed at how much He loves His children even when we seek independence from Him.

I highly recommend, "The Shack"! My entire perspective of God completely changed. I have never thought about God in such an incredibly loving way nor have I fully comprehended free will.

Anyhow, I'm counting on the fact that God doesn't give us anything that we can't handle. Even on the days that I feel like I just can't take the pain anymore, God comes swooping down with a tiny romantic moment or a passage that sooths my soul. It is nice to finally be in prayer even if it is just me telling God what I want in life. What an awesome thought that I can speak to Him just like my children do me. "But mom...." I hear myself, "But God..."

It he really saves tears in a bottle, mine is a keg! LOL

Today

Well, today we're down at the church helping prepare for the memorial service of a man who threw himself in front of a train. It is such a sad situation, and yet, I can't help but feel that I did the same thing. A little piece of me has died. I wonder if it will ever awaken.

I'm not so good at compartmentalizing or wearing several masks to save face. I tend to wear my feelings on my sleeve or at the very least all over my face and especially in my heart. I don't know if this is a good thing or not. All I know is how I feel right now. Feelings are scary unchecked so I must stop writing now.

The Shack

It's a new book I just read, and it was amazing. It is tough to explain but suffice it to say that it describes God like I have never heard him described before. It may sound sacreligious, but the Father is protrayed as a large black woman, Jesus is portrayed as a handyman, and the Holy Spirit is portrayed by a Japanese woman named "wind".

This book is a novel that seeks to go beyond the stereotypical views of who God is. I was told by a friend that if I REALLY knew God, I'd be running to him full force ahead rather than holding back with even an ounce of my being. At first, I was a bit cynical (surprised?) about this whole thought process, but when another friend suggested I read this book to find out who God really is, I figured there must be something to it.

I read the book in one sitting and was amazed at how God was portrayed. The other aspect that was beyond intriguing is how the Trinity is in relathionship with itself as in how God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit interact. I had never thought about that before reading the book. It is amazing to read how we should be in relationship with others based upon the trinity. Humbling...

I've also been reading Get Out of that Pit by Beth Moore. I have read it four times to be exact. Funny thing is that each time I read it, I pick up something new, but I've yet to be able to follow the steps she lays out - cry out, confess, and consent. Hmmmm....Not sure I'm ready for that.

Another awesome book is Reframe Your Life - Turning Life's Pain into Purpose. This book is more self-help in nature and really aims at changing the way a person thinks about the pain he/she suffer. It is biblical in nature, but I'd say it is really more psychological. Finding a balance between the two is good which brings me to the last book I've read three times:

Breaking Free of Codependence (not condepents but codependence!). This book lays out the traits of codpendents very clearly. It exposed to me that I have shown many of the traits in the past couple of years. It is not fun to realize that you're screwed up in one area or another, but the awesome thing is that things don't have to stay that way!!! There is always room for change and for growth towards new experiences in life! Self awareness is step number one! What is tough to balance is a Christ centered view of looking out for oneself first and foremost with the biblical principles about putting others' needs before your own. This will take some more study on my part. One book just won't do.

The next book on my list is Captivating. It is more about God's desire to provide women with all the romance we want and need. Sounds a little out there, but it comes at the recommendation of someone whose life it has changed.

I have read more in the past three weeks than I have in the past five years. I find great comfort in reading materials that help me to change the way I think! Life deals us some sucky decks of cards sometimes, and usually I'd say it is because we never should have been at the table. This time I'm not sure why life turned upside down. All I know is that the Lord is exposing me to new things, and He has never failed me up until now. This little cynical Baptist girl has some serious learning to do, but really what I need to do is simply rest in Him. He has it all under control, and His control is far better than mine. Giving Him His rightful place always pays off in the long run. I have a feeling my plans were far inferior to what He has in store for this little family.

Right now my mind knows where it should be headed but my heart is lagging behind. I'm not really sure there's any good reason for my heart to be faltering, but you know I just have to keep focusing on Truth. Right now that's happening through good books and great God-loving friends. Perhaps one day, I'll be the God-loving person I need to be too. Right now, I'm not feelin' it. And, as I've been told, prayer can be just that - honesty about feelings. "God, I'm not feeling it." "I want my way because I can't see Yours." "How could you let this happen"? "Why"? "I'm tired of feeling." He already knows all of this crud, and as ashamed as I am, I'm told to tell him this out loud! So, FINALLY, I did. "God, I don't trust you"!

And, as I type, He speaks back to me words of love and understanding...though I deserve no such thing.

School and More

School has been interesting! I have only 11 students, but eight of them are boys so that makes life more fun! This week has been SAT week so it has been fairly quiet and tiring for them! The kids are in third grade so right in the middle of being little and big. I haven't taught third grade before so this is all NEW to me!!!!

Sophia is LOVING preschool and learning a lot about the Bible which is cool. Zack has yet to begin at the school as I did not want him taking SATs so he will begin on Monday. I think he'll like it as the kindergarten teacher is excellent! She is the teacher I wish he'd had all year!

Saturday, Sophia and I got to spend some fun time with Auntie Amy who has the coolest kid movies! She also loves to play with stuffed puppies! Amy's mom gave her the cutest coin purse which she filled with pennies to be thrown into the fountain!

Zack had an awesome birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese where he played until he dropped! He got a ton of video games for his DS and Xbox 360 so he was jazzed. If he could, he'd play video games ALL DAY LONG!!!! But, that just isn't gonna happen!

Mom moves to Texas on the 19th, but she'll be going back and forth with the seasons! We here in CA are happy to hear that. She really is the greatest grandma alive! My kids are SO FORTUNATE to have her in their lives!!!! She really does love on the kids and reach them on their level which is so cool! Zack and Sophia will visit her many times over in Texas especially during the summers! I really am fortunate to have a family who will rally around the kids like they do. Life would be way too easy if I moved back to Texas, but that's just not gonna happen!

I have a feeling that God has something really awesome around the corner here in CA for us! He sure has gone to great lengths to get my attention.

Time Flies

RUSSIA APRIL, 2007

Tomorrow is "Gotcha Day"!!!! One year ago, Gina and I brought home Zack Alexander and Sophia Joy!!! I remember it like it was yesterday. There was the long flight, and Zack's first time flipping Gina off when she reprimanded him for continually turning on the flight attendant light! He was so angry at her and flip, he gave her the finger! We were both shocked!

Zack was so enthralled with the flight. We thought he'd look out the window forever! Slowly but surely he and Sophia fell fast asleep and slept nearly the whole flight. When we arrived at LAX, we were greeted by the entire family who stood waiting in the wings! Zack went immediately to Michael and climbe up on his shoulders. Sophia, I believe ended up with Stepha. WELCOME HOME!!!! It was such an aweseome day! In the car, Ken and Josh were amazed to hear the Russian language, and Zack and Sophia were enthralled with the "English" cartoon, Chicken Little.

After that, we went to my dad's favorite Mexican restaurant when Zack and Sophia first tasted refried beans! They weren't too sure about the beans, but the kids fit right into the family from day one!

This year has brought lots of changes our way. Most of them totally unexpected but in each case, God has shown Himself faithful to our little family. We are eager to see what unfolds this year as we begin year two in America!

Sorry no recent pictures. My camera (believe it or not) is not where I can get to it! This is a bummer since I should be taking a ton of pictures of the kids daily like I used to. I'll get back to it, and soon my camera will hang around my neck everywhere I go. I think this will especially be true once Zack starts playing baseball and soccer. He's six now so I think he's ready to hit some balls. We'll see what he likes best!

I think I'll put Sophia in soccer, but hold off on t-ball. She seems to be pretty good at kicking and controlling ball, but we shall see.

Anyhow, I hope to get to my camera this weekend at which point, I'll snap some shots of the kidlets! I said the other day that they are the most important part of my life, and I stood corrected. I was taken back when I was told that my relationship with Christ should be first. I thought I was here to protect and provide, but I guess I'm here to purposefully prosper so that my kids will in turn do the same. I'm still thinking on this point. I'm not sure I'm feelin' it just yet.

I just know I want them to know Him and to have a meaningful relationship with Him. I'm not sure they'll experience true joy otherwise, and I want the grandkids to be brought up in church too. I guess I'm just old fashioned that way.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZACK!!!!

One year ago almost to the day, and now! Too much handsome...!!!!

Happy Birthday Zack Alexander Rivera!!!!! I love you SO MUCH, and I am so proud that you are six and have grown 3 inches this year!!!!

Stay tuned for birthday party plans!

April is Here

As spoken by Sophia to a friend's boyfriend, "I'm gonna snag you"!

Mom: "How was your day Sophia"?
Sophia: "Not very good at all."
Mom: "Really"?
Sophia: "Yes, that boy pushed me, and I cried"!
Mom: "Should I beat him up"?
Sophia: "Mom, you will have to pull a card!"

As spoken by Zack, "My mom said I can kick you"! (I don't recall this instruction.)

As spoken by mom, "Are you still talking"????

Mom: Some of the best lessons learned in life are by mistake.

Today

No words

Another Day

Well, this morning we made the "long" trek from Palm Desert to North Orange County for church with a friend and her mom who is here from out of state. The church service was great! It was the contemporary service which I liked. I warmed up a little to the hymns to which drums were added. The drummer was awesome! I love a good drummer who can lay down a basic beat and lay it down hard. Well, I have a somewhat trained ear for this. Although, I've been told never to date a drummer, I'll just bet I end up with one. I just have a wild side.

The message was about who can save a soul. The answer was only the maker of all creation. Seems simple, but it was enlightening. What I loved about this service was that the time began with some heavy duty worship, then there was a short sermon, and a lot more worship at the end. It rocked! I think I have eased out of the boring stand, sit, stand, sit, hymnal type of service. The church was also packed which kind of just makes a person feel like they're in the right place.

Anyhow, most of the worship time, I spent with tears in my eyes! I am such an emotional soul. God speaks to me through music though, and I think He speaks loudest to me in that way. This is why I like the kidlets to listen to godly stuff instead of all of the other crud I enjoy. Why pass my bad habits on to them, and why waste moments when they could be learning more about God through music?

Anyhow, we enjoyed lunch after church, and it was just a nice time other than the fact that it was cold outside BURZZZZZZZZZZZY!

I often wonder how God can be so gracious to His children over and over and over and over. Then I am reminded of how very much I love my own, and He nudges me on the shoulder and reminds me that He loves me and them so much more than I could imagine. This is why he gives us these romantic moments to enjoy. Whether it be lunch with good friends or the sound of the wind whistling through the trees, these are tiny messages from God saying, "I love you" even when you feel unloveable.

Last night while at my friends' home, Sophia says to the pastor's wife, "Hey, Miss Bootylicious"!!! I could have crawled under the table! But, I howled instead! Some bad habits are just funny!

Zack has been a tad emotional lately, but as tenderhearted as ever. He has lots of questions and is a thinker. I have few answers, but always remind him that he is loved by so many people and by Jesus. He smiles contently. He is especially cuddly at night as he begins to doze off. But, both of my kids, sleep as they play - WILD! Sophia falls off of the bed nearly every night, and Zack always ends up sideways!

Quote for the Day

"Don't make any decisions until you hear Gods heartbeating love for you." - Tim Ekno

I am still pondering this thought! Amazingly, I got a call from some "old" friends this past week. They had been missionaries to Vietnam, Thailand, lived in Hawaii for a time, and now voila, they called to say they took a church in Palm Desert!

We took the long drive to the desert to spend the day with them. We enjoyed carne asada tacos and yummy homeaid brownies that Sophia made with Vanessa. It was great to spend time with Tim, Vanessa, Megan, and Joel. It was like a blast from my past.

It is always nice to talk with people who have the edge on God's grace and sufficiency. I had never thought about waiting for God's heart to beat love to me before making a decision! Now, I'm saying, "Show me the love"!

They had a short Bible study tonight and it happened to be on prayer. Strangely enough unbeknownst to them, I have had some struggles that have kept me pretty numb to praying. You know that feeling like you're not worthy or that you prayers are worthless hitting the ceiling and falling back to the ground. Well, tonight I heard that prayer often is more about listening and less about talking. What a darn relief because the whole talking to God thing is not happening for me right now. Perhaps, this is because He is waiting for me to listen!!!

My last thought is that life is full of ups and downs and certain things suck, without question. I believe what makes us or breaks us is how we respond. I pray I can foster good healthy responses to life's heartaches in my kids. In order for that to happen, I must model it. OH MY - so much work to do to raise little God followers!

Life's Truly Special Pleasures

It's hard sometimes to focus on the things that are important in life, and at times, even hard to count your blessings, but often when I am in a pit, I find relief by listing life's little pleasures. I hope the kidlets can learn to do the same. I have been told that my kids will watch how I respond to life and follow suit. That is a HUGE responsibility!!!! So, I went down the list of things in which I find pleasure:

• Birds chirping early in the morning as I awake
• Hearing my beautiful kids breathing as they sleep
• Watching the kids laugh and play
• Little unexpected hugs and kisses
• Random "I love yous"
• Hearing Sophia say, "We need to pray"
• The smell of fresh mowed lawn
• Sunny skies
• Good books
• A nice car to travel in
• Interviews that go extremely well
• Friends who love at all times just because the Bible says so regardless of big or little mistakes
• Scripture at the right moment (not always keen on it, but it hits the right spot when least expected)
• Crisp air and the heat of the sun on my back
• Unconditional Love
• God's grace and provision of salvation to sinful mankind
• Friends who can speak the truth even when it HURTS
• Unexpected adrenaline rushes

Some of these I share with the kids on some level, but mostly I just remind them of good things randomly throughout the day. The most important thing to me is that my kids grow up to be Christ followers. I want them to know Him in a real way and to encounter true joy in their lives. I want them to experience joy that even I haven't experienced fully. The tough part of that is that my decisions determine how much they will trust God. Seeing that in writing is scary! I am their authority and how I behave will either bless them or haunt them in the future. OH MY! I know I don't want to hear a list of ways that I made their lives hard or how my decisions caused them strife, but you know, I think no matter what I do, I'll still succomb to being human. I just pray that this humanity doesn't thwart my kids from having a real and living relationship day to day with Christ. If I can't pass on that legacy in a real way, I will have failed them.

So, in turn, I ask those around me who love God and live for him day by day to pray a hedge around us.

I am still working all of this out in my mind and hopefully it will hit my heart at some point.

One Year

Yesterday marked one year since the judge gave me full and legal custody of Zack and Sophia. It seems like they have been home forever! It is hard to remember life without them in it, and it is hard to believe all that has changed in the last year. It has been a very windy road, but one that will lead us to the place we were meant to be of that I am certain.

The biggest change in both of them I would have to say has been the loss of anger. When they first came home, we experienced many occurences of anger. Whether it was Zack flipping someone off in frustration or Sophia clinching her fists and peeing wherever she sat or stood. We definitely saw relieving the need for that anger as a starting point.

Slowly but surely with a lot of love, structure, and discipline, they each began to let go of the anger. I believe that it was a survival mechanism and the more secure they felt, the more they let go of the anger and grabbed hold of the love by which they were surrounded. There is a life lesson to be learned in this, and this mama is taking note.

I can't help but also remember their little sayings as they learned English such as "you too much crazy"! They still call their feet foochies because while in Russia when we'd sniff their feet, we'd say FOOCHIE! They continue to have the connection to that word. Zack has a little accent, but Sophia's is completely gone.

Any who have been around them know they have become little prodders. If you start to eat too quickly, one will say, "We didn't pray." If someone asks them a question while their mouths are full, they will point to their mouth so as to say just a sec. They each have Type A in their personalities and will remind me to get my phone, keys and purse each time we leave the house. They also will remind me to lock the car as we walk away. On those tired mornings or nights when I want to fudge a little, they will remind me about teeth brushing! Sometimes it is crazy because they are keeping me in line (in a respectful way). I think they're going to be well suited for adulthood if this keeps up!

They both speak openly about the Pelican (Zack's orphanage) and the baby home (Sophia's home). They recount how we visited them and list the toys and candy we brought. Zack says, "I was shy". Sophia says, "Remember when Zack popped my BAAAloon"? They recall playing with balloons outside the hotel in Nizhny Novgorod on that crisp day. Zack recalls playing swords with Gina and scaring her to "death" as he giggled from his core. When they see Ring Pops in the store they remind me of how we took them one in Russia. And, they still go down the list of what they did not have there that they do have here.

I think it is important to nurture the memories of their past and of their coming home. It is part of who they are, and I'm sure that with years, their gratitude will grow as they understand fully the concept of what transpired.

Both kids are so lucky to have been loved by so many people this first year home. Their lives have overflowed with generosity, kindness, laughter, and thrills. For that, I am thankful. As we set out to begin this second year home, I wonder what God has in store for us. I wonder what's around the next bend. I choose to believe that it'll be something good. Something that will allow me to testify of God's love and amazing grace.

New Tires and Spooky Nights!!!

Today was a busy day! We got four new tires on our car which was incredibly cool since the steel was beginning to show through! The kids were intrigued with the way they put the tires on. I was simply thrilled that I no longer had to worry about a blow out with two young ones in the car!

This evening, we went over to some friends' house for dinner and fellowship. The kids had a blast. I would post pictures, but I left my camera at their house - doh! It was strange tonight because Sophia was very spooked by the darkness and any little noise she heard caused her strife. I just kept telling her she was safe with all of us grown ups around. She was not convinced!

This is a new thing with her so I'll have to watch it closely to see if there's anything behind the fear. I think she just feels a wee bit unsettled as do we all. That'll get better really soon.

Sunday, we'll try a new church and hopefully hook into the Sunday school program as well as the midweek services for the kids. It's been a while since I've regularly attended church, and I have to admit, I am excited to go back but also a little nervous. I think God has some work to do on this heart of mine.

Happy Easter!

Sophia and Zack enjoyed their second Easter today! Sophia gathered about 50 chocolate filled eggs at church this morning and had eaten the candy from about 10 of them before lunch! She was bouncing off the ceiling!

Zack went on an Easter Egg hunt yesterday and gathered about 25 eggs of all shapes and sizes! The candy was callin' his name loudly! When Zack got up this morning, he climbed in to bed next to grandma, snuggled up close, and fell fast asleep!

At some point, I'll give a recap of the year thus far! Right now I don't have access to all of the pictures and video. Suffice it to say that these little ones have been an incredible blessing to our family! Both have blossomed beyond belief. Both speak fluent English, have great personalities and are thriving physically, mentally and spiritually.

Zack's favorite thing to do is play video games! He would choose to do this all day long if he could! But alas, he must also do some chores and eat dinner.

Sophia's favorite thing to do is talk! Anyone who knows her knows that she can talk your ear off!
She is loving and generous, but definitely needs a chill pill at times!

I thank God for these two little ones! I pray I can be the mom they need through the years. I pray I can help grow them into healthy God-loving adults. I realize to do that, I need to be well balanced in my own life always seeking growth. I am incredibly flawed, but by golly I'm loved and so are these kidlets!

Long Overdue Pics

Warts, Worms, and Black Eyes!!! All of the above have found Sophia recently! When she came home nearly a year ago, she had a wart on her nose which I had removed and now, voila another one appeared nearly overnight about a centimeter from where the old one was! The black eye is a result of Sophia's energy level around little dogs! She has learned not to mess with a dog when it is eating a treat! And, the worms are her new favorite! In a weak moment, I let her eat the entire bag - well a weak few moments!

Don't you just LOVE flip flop weather?

Care free days...

This is Auntie Gina's FAVORITE funny face that Sophia makes! So, as you can imagine, Sophia makes it often to get a good laugh! She just looked at this pic and said, "What's happened to my eyebrows"????? I am laughing out loud! You're gonna need some waxing immediately upon turning 12 my dear girl! :) Welcome to girlhood!

This is Liz, one of Sophia's favorite lunch partners!

Nothin' like good conversation over a nice ice water!

I hope this blog finds you all doing well! I have to admit, living anonymously feels great sometimes!

This week, Zack got smashed up by his gym teacher! They were playing indoor bowling and collided! He's a tough kid so he took it in stride. We ain't raisin' no sissies around here! Well, there's only room for one, and that's me!

School starts for Sophia and I on Monday. I'm looking forward to seeing how she does in the classroom and on the playground.

Boobs and Duct Tape

So last night at work I'm typing away and all of a sudden I feel a snap and then a very sharp pinch! I wiggle around a bit and realize that my underwire has snappeed in two!!! I rushed to the bathroom to try to pull the underwire out, but this darn Victoria's Secret bra is super well made so no luck there!

I was stuck (no pun intended) for a while with the pinch of a lifetime! As I glanced at the monitor, I noticed a roll of duct tape to the right. Now the mission was to abscond with the duct tape just long enough to tape the blasted underwire! I put the tape under my jacket and rushed back to the bathroom where I successfully taped the underwire.

I was happily back at work for a good hour when all of a sudden I turned to look at the title report and felt like my boob was being ripped in two! The duct tape had come off and attached my bra to my boob!!! So now I had a taped boob with the underwire poking it like a kabob! There wasn't much I could do!

I went to the bathroom to untape my boob, but it was only a matter of time until it was taped again! Everytime I turned it felt like I was losing a piece of me. I was able only to secure the underwire, but I wasn't able to figure out the duct tape situation! As I type, I feel the pain!!!!

At midnight, I rushed to my car and ripped off my bra like as fast as a woman of the night!!!!

Lessons learned:

Duct tape is NOT for boobs!
Underwires in Playtex bras are not nearly as secure as those in Victoria's Secret's bras!!!
Lose weight so boobs shrink and underwires stay in tact!!!!

Sorry no pictures for this post!

A Day at Gram's House

Sophia and I spent the day at Gram's house today, and we had lots of fun with Auntie Victoria and baby Torie. Actually, yesterday when Sophia heard that we were meeting Gram and Victoroia somewhere, she began packing her overnight bag and told me she was sleeping with Gram! I hesitated because I miss her so much when she's gone, but I know it is good for Sophia to spend time with the family in meaningful ways. Plus, my mom is the best grandma I know. She literally plays with the grandkids and very quickly has them spellbound with a story or a song. I love that about her, and evidently so does Sophia!


Of course, while Sophia is there she also gets quality time with Auntie Victoria and Uncle Anthummeeee(Anthony). She loves hanging out in their room and being in the middle of the fun!


Here she is pushing Torie around in her walker.

And, her just about to get her pony tail pulled! Sophia said, "She almost pulled it out of my head, mom"!

A favorite pastime of Torie's is pulling her socks off!

There is NOTHING like the adoration of a grandma!

A short photo shoot for my sis whose camera has no battery:

Love that profile!

This is a face Torie makes often! My sis is not sure where it came from but if you sniff loudly, she'll make this face and a sniffing sound just like you! It is hilarious! So, we had to catch in on film so we can show her when she's old enough to be embarrassed!

Hmmmm...not really sure where Torie learned to make that face!

THE FACE!

For posterity sake... She is very flexible - well, physically! :)

Some of Sophia's Favorite Things

Jumping...

Having mom give her crazy hairdos...

And, begging for even more crazy hairdos...

And, last but definitely not least, EATING!!!! Below are some of her favorites. She likes the soda, but that is mamas for sure. The last thing she needs is caffeine to fuel her already full throttle little life!!!!

Only 15 more days until I begin teaching!!! And, even more exciting, only 15 more days until Sophia goes to preschool!!!! YIPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! She is counting down the days!

Sympathy and Pride

The title is not nearly as catchy as Jane Austen's would be! However, as I was working last night I began to ponder these two emotions. You see I am working in the default department of a title company. To give you some idea of the environment, there are 100+ employees working feverishly during the hours of 6AM and 2AM. All are working on foreclosures of all types. As I go through the files, I am working on I say prayers for the people as I work on the documents they will soon receive. I wonder if the 60 year-old many has another place to go after the foreclosure process is over. I wonder if the young couple has kids or if this was their first home. I wonder if the 7 people on one title report will still friends after the loss they suffer. And, of course, I wonder how many of the people were dooped by lenders with names that seem like they should be used car dealerships!

And, then I think of these two emotions - sympathy and pride. Some are so proud that they think they'd NEVER have to travel that road. They think that somehow they are better than these people because they're circumstances over the past 3 years have been different. I don't think many of them realize that but by the grace of God, they could be in the same boat!

Then there are the more sympathetic who realize that even good people fell into the crappy mortgage loans and adjustables. I guess since I'm seeing these names, touching these files, it is more real to me. And, let me tell you, it's life changing.

Most of the people around me including Mr. HH and Mr. Parachute pants (worn three days in a row) have no idea the impact of what is happening around them. Why? Well, simply because they are young and for them, this job is big time money...sad to say, I fight my pride wondering why I am there in the first place.

And, that is why I type to admit I am fighting my pride on many levels and realizing that life is not about what you have but about who you touch while you're here.

pics tomorrow

Steady Wins the Race

So, Mr. Parachute pants didn't sit next to me last night - thank heavens! The guy who did sit next to me was new and was in training. Ummmm, am I not in training anymore??? Anyhow, Mr. HH (if you read yesterday, you'll know what this stands for) answered any questions I had last night. Don't flame me for appreciating the good that does exist in the flaming. He's really a great guy!

The dude next to me literally sat there with a blank stare on his face for most of the night. The official trainer helped him a bit here and there, but for some reason, didn't notice that the dude was lost and had no experience with title. He kept saying, what is a parcell (parcel). So, three cheers for Mr. HH!!!! I'm glad I didn't get stuck with the trainer! And, I'm a trainer by trade so I can say that!

There are several ideas about training. One is that the trainer should actually do all of the training. The other is that the trainer should facilitate learning utilizing various people and learning tools. Last night was yet another reminder that we all learn differently, and if someone or some style doesn't speak your language, you ain't gonna learn a thing! We'll see if new dude comes back tonight.

Sophia is doing well with her letters and colors. She is working on numbers and shapes now too! Other than having the occasional brain freeze, she is picking up on things in a steady fashion. I can't say enough how wonderful the Leap Frog videos are!!! Part of Sophia's freezes are from the language acquisition. I can see her going through her rolodex of words trying to find the right one. She knows when she can't find the word which is a good thing. She doesn't call blue, orange or the letter A, B which is a good sign. We'll keep trudging along and preschool is sure to help!

Zack is drilling his popcorn words daily and being read to more often. He is doing much better paying attention at school now that he knows it is important so that he can learn what he needs to know. He has always been driven in this way. Behaviorly, once you set the bar, he reaches it. I am missing his little sun tan. He gets to brown in the summer months, and then it takes him about 3 months to turn quite white. I look at his little face and just feel like he needs a good dose of sunscreen followed by a dip in the pool. Summer can't come soon enough!

Did anyone win the lottery last night because I forgot to buy a ticket?!!!

A New Adventure

So, last night I was trained by a happy homosexual guy and sat next to a peculiar dude who used the word esoteric randomly as he sat there straight faced in his parachute pants.

Life is good out there in the great big world!

I have begun working at a title company from 6 to midnight Monday through Friday. It's actually not too bad and it gives me a way to replenish the savings account without being away from the kiddos too much. They go nighty night at 8:00PM so they won't miss me too much once they get settled into the new bedtime routine, and I won't do this long term. I am going to be teaching afterall! YAY!

Skills, Thrills, Frills, and Chills

Zack continues to hone his reading skills with grandma by his side! Gotta love the blue hair!

Josh lost his first tooth! He has been waiting for this to happen for a couple of months now so he was THRILLED!

Sophia is not the girliest of girls, but when it comes to pampering herself, she is into the FRILLS! I love her "little" feet!

And, since Kenny gets the CHILLS at the thought of another photo, I leave with you and a picture of the younger less adolescent Kenneth...

Be Informed

I found this link on another blog, but I thought it was worthy of posting for whoever reads my blog. It is not about what you believe necessarily. It is about freedom of speech being a two way street.

http://www.expelledthemovie.com/playground.php

Peace

Progress

Anyone else out there ready for summer?

Zack is making great progress at school. He has successfully learned most of his popcorn words. My mom confirmed for me that he was stumped because he thought they needed to be sounded out phonetically, and he was confused as to how the other kids got THU out of the word THE (thee) or U out of A (A) and that doesn't even cover words like sight. It was easy to see how he was confused after my mom spent a couple of hours with him.

She has been working with him for two weeks now and last night he exclaimed, "I can read"! He can actually read sentences now. Mom says this is all about conversational language being different than academic language. In Zack's case, his understanding of English is still pretty literal. When the end of the school year comes, mom will help me decide whether or not to hold him back. I figure that after 20+ years of teaching kindergarten, mom will know best. And, we must factor in that Sophia may be in kindergarten next year too.

I am itching to get into the classroom! March 17th can't come soon enough for me! Sophia is pretty darn excited too! Each day she says, "Is today school day"? I say, "No, we have a few more weeks." Then later on throughout the day she'll say, "I only asked once about school."

I've been teaching her to ask things one time which has translated to her asking once and then reminding me throughout the day that she only asked once! :) I'm not the kind of mom that is going to give in to a kid who asks for candy 52 times in an hour. That would just irritate me and cause me to toss the candy out! So to prevent the drama, I figure teaching the kiddos to ask once will help us all to live a more peaceful life! ;) In the future, I think I'll have to let them ask once and remind me twice. I am forgetful after all! :)

Life for me right now seems to be moving at warp speed...sigh! I do not recall praying for patience or perseverence, but alas, I am working on both and trying to have a sweet spirit at the same time!

Sophia got a Haircut (again)!

I finally just had to get it cut! As Heather and Allie know all too well, her hair was a nightmare to fix each day! So, now it is cut in a way that she can wear it up or down which is cool! I was afraid I was going to end up with a "Dorothy Hammil (Sp?)" cut or something. I was as explicit as I could be, and it turned out pretty good.

Stepha, remember this shirt? Auntie Stepha bought this shirt for Sophia when she came home, and it was way too big! Now 10 months later, it fits perfectly!

Here is a conversation had with Sophia and her Auntie Wanda:

W: What is your mother's name?

S: I don't have a mother!

W: Your mother's name is Deana, silly.

S: NO, that is my mama's name! I don't have a mother!

Add another new word learned to our list of thousands!